Computer Virus Attack

NIN NAH BEH CHAO TURTLE!!!

KIO LIM PEH TUA OPPIT ZHOR ORH-TEE, JIA CHAR PNG.

CCB!!!!!

Pardon the french but lim peh super pissed off today as my server kena hit by computer virus. Despite setting up the server like a fortress, it still went down like a ton of bricks. The first ever hit in 4 years.

I later found out that it was a Ch1nese virus (obvious clue: the virus message was in Ch1nese) and my current antivirus (Sim-Mern-Teck) completely missed it. A check with the software company's support website yielded no information, which probably means that this virus is so new that it hasn't shown up on the radar screen of the western world. I installed a Ch1na brand antivirus software and right away, out came the 2 flags pointing at the offending files.

The virus files belong to Tencent's QQ. A ch1nese variation of the ICQ instant messengers. Before I start off a panic frenzy over QQ, I have to say that the program itself does not carry the virus. Instead, it is the lack of security features (read: badly written software) that allowed the hackers to deliver their viral payload.

I was puzzled how QQ got there as I specifically warned my staff against installing it since day 1. It was long known and an established fact that this software is pure crap and guaranteed to bring you lots of grief.

I managed to trace and locate the idiot who installed the stoopid software on the server.

Let's just say that today was her last day with us. Stoopid arsehole...

---

The last time, I had a computer meltdown was on a client machine in the Finance department, 2 years ago. The "autopsy" pointed to a trojan downloaded and installed from a pronographic website. Naturally, the 2 guys in the department were my prime suspect. Based on the access log from the server, I already know which user is responsible. However, that alone was not enough to proof that the owner of the UserID in question is the real culprit as it may be a case of somebody using his account after the latter had forgotten to log off.

I gathered the whole department and asked for the person responsible to step up and admit it. None. No show of hands as they huddled together in a show of defiant solidarity.

No problem. I thought to myself as I already have a plan to counter this. Since nobody owned up, I fined each and every person in the department RMB 50 with the owner of the UserId in question, an additional RMB 50.

Half and hour later, the culprit came into my office and admit her crime, under intense pressure from her department colleagues. Surprise, surprise, it was a girl.

Here's the thing about the local folks here. They may be as close as brothers and sisters but, when it comes to money. It often is no surprise to find them more than ready to rat and sell you out. Such is the cruel reality of the Ch1nese culture over here.

- Voxeros

1. aGentX left...

Monday, 13 June 2005 11:51 pm :: http://agent-x.blogspot.com/

an interesting way of managing, something new for me to learn about the work culture there.
hope my sim-mern-teck can do its job leh..and yes, your french is impressive, even when i am doing a monologue with it, it sounds good :D

2. anna left...

Tuesday, 14 June 2005 6:03 am

Glad that you found the culprit, but it was not without consequences.

3. JayWalk left...

Tuesday, 14 June 2005 9:26 am :: 

aGentx: Your work brings you to ch1na too? I am writing some more stuff about the workers mentality here. It is a difficult piece to write (read: painted myself into a corner) and still in draft for the longest time.... hopefully get it out before the week is over... again. (!)

Anna: I retracted my dismissal order from HR this morning.... I am such a softie.... sigh...

4. 9 left...

Tuesday, 14 June 2005 1:39 pm :: http://9mmdesigns.blogspot.com

hmm...previously unable to post on ur blog. Heh

Yah...im not surprised women are surfing porn...i have really liberal frens... :P

5. JayWalk left...

Tuesday, 14 June 2005 2:03 pm :: 

9: My policy in the office is quite lax. I don't object to my staff surfing the web (even pron) as long as it doesn't interfere with their work. 

What really bugs me are those who stupid stupid go and download and install all kinds of stupid programs and hence bringing down the entire machine. 

And I am the one being punished for it coz it would be me who would be wasting all that time, reformatting, reinstalling etc etc...

I Learned A New Language Today - Russian

Well, sort of... as I finally managed to catch Star Wars III - Revenge Of The Sith, earlier today. Over here in this ulu part of the world, things do arrive a step behind everybody else. Just like my daily reading South China Morning Post, where I only receive them in the afternnoon as I have people bringing them in from Hong Kong on a daily basis, come rain or shine... except when there is a new blackout imposed by the cheena gahmen.

I must say that this was a redemption of sorts after the earlier episodes flopped big time. Still, both Episodes 1 and 2 had to be done in order to get Episode 3 to finally bridge with 4, 5 and 6 and so I say sacrifices had to be made for the greater good. As far as my favourite episode is concerned, it is now a toss-up between Episode 3 - Revenge Of The Sith and Episode 5 - The Empire Strikes Back. I guess the common denominator of what gets on my A-list is that the bad guys win at the end of the day. I am sick and tired of always having the good guys win and as such whenever there is a film, rarely though, with the bad guys remaining, it will naturally make it to my good list.

Perhaps that explains why my all-time favourite movie is Se7en, starring Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey and Gweneth Paltrow. It ranks as my No.1, not only because of the obvious fact that the movie ended with the bad guy winning, but also the fact that it was won in style and in such panache that I was totally floored. I was in awe and still is to this very day. Before you start thinking of me as a murderous psychopath, it is not about the killing that impressed me, rather it was the style and the way the murders were executed (no pun intended). There is artistry even in bad things. It was that finesse that I admire.

Well, I guess there will be those who know me a little bit better, who would be thinking "That is soooo typical of JayWalk, Paduwan of the Stylemeister". Call me a disciple of the Mastery, if you will, in pursuit of the virtuosity of the finest aesthetics. After all, I am a south-paw (read: right brained).

I don't mean that the rest of the shows where the good guys win are no good. It is just that there is just so many of them and they, most of the time, were simply just run-of-the-mill heroes (read: yawn) that none really stood out at all. Either that or perhaps it is just my affinity to the dark side hidden deep inside the abyss of my dark soul. I wonder.

So let me ask all a question here. How many of you actually understands what I am trying to express here? Tell me in the comments section, please.

Coming back to the Star Wars series. This is the end of the road for George Lucas as he had announced many years back that he is stopping at 6. I do hope he would change his mind or at the very least somebody else to continue his legacy to carry on and complete Episodes 7, 8, and 9 where:

• Princess Leia becomes a jedi knight.
• Luke Skywalker turns to the dark side. (Woot!)
• Luke Skywalker marries his assassin (phew wheet!) sent by the Emperor, resurrected in the form of a clone.
• The Emperor trying to take over the body form of Han Solo's youngest son, Anakin Solo who caused the death of his father's long time friend, Chewbacca.

Anyway, here are some of my screen captures, as I try my hand at reading Russian, or at least that's what I think it is....

Let's see. It reads "Long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...."

How am I doing so far? Correct or not ah?

This is easy. It reads "Star Wars". Easy peasy.

This one is tough. Must squint quite a bit to read the smaller text.

"Episode 3, Return Of The Sith" ... er... buay hiao liao...... Anyone can help? Anyone? sigh.....

- Voxeros

1. amithyst left...

Wednesday, 15 June 2005 12:46 am :: http://amithyst.blogspot.com/

wah biang! star wars in russian! you mean they translated it for every country? siao bo!

2. JayWalk left...

Wednesday, 15 June 2005 12:53 am :: 

Fortunately, it was only the words that were translated into Russian.

Anakin & Co still speak English in the movie, fortunately.

Lost In Translation II

Spotted this sign in the locker/shower room of the ShenZhen Airport's Golf Club. Can't help but laughed out loud while frantically fishing for my Lumix from my bag. This is too good not to take a snap of it.

Question: According to the Chinese part of the notice, which head is not hygienic nor safe to blow har?

I can see it now, a row of naked men sitting there in front of the vanity mirrors with hair dryers in their hands.....

Oh my eyes!!!! My eyes!!!!!

While on the topic of signs in China, got this one in my email from Freddy (Thanks mate!). I thought it was meant more to be tongue-in-cheek joke than a actual warning.

I especially love that part about the "friendly security guards" to help "sort" things out if you are unsure. Excellent!

- Voxeros

1. Dicta left...

Monday, 13 June 2005 11:51 am

The Zapata's notice is way cool. Prostitutes sure love to be sorted out in a way or another.

2. JayWalk left...

Monday, 13 June 2005 12:47 pm ::

Yah man....
Note to self: Must check out restaurant when I got to Shanghai next time.

3. Dicta left...

Wednesday, 15 June 2005 5:38 pm

Checked out Zapata (club) a couple of times in Shanghai. Lotsa bar top dancing for a start: )... One time I was there, 2 other Chow Ang Mo men joined in the fray at the bar top.

4. JayWalk left...

Wednesday, 15 June 2005 7:43 pm :: 

You've been there? Cool! 

I guess it's a restaurant/club concept. How's the food? Authentic Mex or Tex-Mex or char-pa-lang Cheena-Mex?

Traffic In My Part of Ch1na

I was in the car heading back from the office when I passed by a traffic accident scene. I could tell that it only just happened by counting the number of people in the onlooker crowd. Not many.... yet. There was only 1 policeman who had the luck of being at the right place, at the right time, there calling for backup.

As we drove up, we could see 4 casualties sprawling on the road up close. They were all knocked down by the errant bus which also had a motorcycle crushed underneath it. I really hope that the bike rider was among the 4 casualties in front. Alas, none of the 4 was wearing a helmet. This would be about the time for you to start expecting the worst case scenario. Then again, there was no pool of blood from under the bus.

I had my Lumix with me and it could have been the perfect photo opportunity for me ala Ah 9. The sensational pictures would definitely draw the interest of the folks out there to my blog. Hits spike, here I come! Alas, I didn't have the nerve to press the shutter. I just couldn't do it.

But you know what? This is nothing new to me as I witness, on average, about 1 traffic accident per day here in my part of Ch1na. I am more or less immune to it already. There was also another accident scene, which I vividly still remember, when I was in Vietnam last year, where there was this dead guy about 30m away from his bike with his pants and underwear down to his ankles. He had slided along the road, as a result of the impact, for the whole 30m that he became naked from waist down. I really hate to be the one to have to turn the body over. Ouch.

I got my Ch1na's driver's license 2 years ago and had to sit for the mandatory "Road Safety" talk before they issued the license to me. During the talk, I learned that the number of traffic fatalities* in the province of GuangDong alone is 120,000 per year.

* The number counts only fatalies within 7 days of the accident i.e. if the person died on the 8th day after the accident, he is not part of the statistic. As such, the number should be far greater.

Over here, we used to joke that the traffic lights were for "reference only". Such is the awareness of road safety in this part of Ch1na.

I can only hope that with the people here gradually become more educated that such number of tragedies would significantly be decreased. I hope for the day to come soon.

- Voxeros

1. barffie left...

Wednesday, 15 June 2005 10:57 am

This is awful. Road accidents. Yet people still cross the roads like nobody's business. :( And really, the Indians in Serangoon Road are horrible pedestrians also.

2. JayWalk left...

Wednesday, 15 June 2005 11:43 am :: 

At least in Serangoon Road, the errant pedestrians would siam to one side when you honk them. 

Not here for they are all immune to the honking. I am so tempted to get one of those pneumatic air-horns (used by the container-trucks) and fixed it to my car. 

At least, I would know that after honking them, they really are deaf. muahahahaa....

Monster Oyster

I have been waiting for the chance to visit this Japanese restaurant again ever since I got my new Lumix. From the picture above, it is easy to guess the reason why. Nobody believed me when I told my friends back home how big and yummy these babies were. They were specially flown in from Canada although the waitress was unable to tell me specifically which part of the country, since she didn't even know where Canada was to begin with.

"I was only told that they are from Canada one.", unquote.

To let you have an idea of the size, I placed my cell phone next to it for comparison but alas it didn't show convincingly due to depth perception of the oyster and the phone. Perhaps, a better gauge would be the plate on which the oyster sits. The place is the same size as those that you would find on the conveyor belt of sushi restaurants like Genki and Sakae. The shell alone is bigger than the plate and the oyster itself spans exactly the diameter of the place. The thickness is slightly over an inch thick. How's that for size?

I used to jokingly tell my guests that they were hauled off the shores next to the nuclear power plant.

I started appreciating oysters pretty late as compared to some of my culinary expert (read: greedy gluttons) friends. Truth to be told, I never liked oysters in the beginning. The foul smelling fishy odour really puts me off. As such, no matter how much as my friends raved about how the Orh Luat* (or "Orh-Ah-Jian" as the Taiwanses would called it), at a certain place was yummy, it never appealed to me. The overpowering fishy smell was just too much for me to even pretend to like it.

I believed it was in the late 90s that my perception of the shellfish changed. I remembered it was at Pasir Panjang Village at this restaurant called "The Wharf" (no longer in existence, unfortunately). It was what golfer's would refer it as the "Pro Shop" of western seafood cuisine. It was also the same place that I was introduced to Bruno Paillard** champagne, which later become my all time favourite alongside with Mumm and Louis Roederer Cristal.

I spent a few evenings over time at the restaurant learning the different types of oysters. There were the French Belons, Dutch Gigas, Scottish Gigas, Japanese Kumamoto, to briefly name a few. I had a fun time learning, appreciating and of course, eating them. The major factor that turned my perception around was the absence of the fishy smell which I learned was because they were fresh and of a higher quality (cleaner waters?). There, I also learned that the fishy smell from the Orh Luats were due to the fact that they are more often than not, frozen upon arrival from their suppliers. Obviously, due to cost reasons, they are of a lower grade.

Here's a couple of trivia for you.

1) If you squeeze lemon juice onto a live oyster, it will shrivel, especially around the edges, due to the acid irritation. If you don't see a reaction, it is probably already dead, even if the chef just schucked it open in front of you. It is already dead. Period.

2) A good restaurant never put the oysters on ice to keep it cold and alive. The ice that they used are often conveniently obtained from the kitchen's ice maker i.e. tap water i.e. chlorine. Chlorine kills the oysters. So unless the restaurant make their own ice using sea water(!?), the oysters are not to be alive for long. So don't bother squeezing lemon on this guys at the buffets and expect to see some movement.

Disclaimer: I can't back any of the 2 tips up. This so-called wisdom was passed down to me from other people which I thought was credible. So please draw your own conclusions.

* Oyster Omelette

** Bruno Paillard was in Singapore a few years ago but then disappeared due to lack the of marketing power in contrast to commercial likes of Pommery, Bollinger, Lanson, Moet&Chandon, Veuve-Clicquot, Charles Heidsieck, Piper Heidsieck, etc.. After all, it was one of the smallest champagne houses in France. It was only recently when it resurfaced in The Canteen (A restaurant of the Les Amis Group). Bruno Paillard lacked the prestige of the major champagne houses as it doesn't have its own vineyard, i.e. they buy the grapes from other people. However, because of the snobbish nature of the champagne business, this is viewed as a big disadvantage which hence, means a weaker ability to command a high price tag (much to my delight).

What I like about Bruno is that the champagne is very flavourful. Lotsa body and character, although I, for my limited knowledge in this area, am unable to tell you what fruit or food it hints of (Ramli Burger?). Read here for a review.

- Voxeros

1. whateverstreet left...

Friday, 10 June 2005 5:25 pm :: http://whateverstreet.blogspot.com

holy cow, the oyster looks delicious. big is definitely an understated adjective to use....
which restaurant was that from?

2. JayWalk left...

Friday, 10 June 2005 10:31 pm ::

It is this restaurant in Ch1na called Yuan Tong.

Very fresh and cheap. The oyster costs only about S$ 4.50 per piece.

I go there like every other week. Somehow, always got leftover sake to have to go back and finish it. But each time, I leave with more leftover sake at the restaurant.

3. anna left...

Tuesday, 14 June 2005 6:07 am

That oyster is huge. Haven't seen such a big one here in Canada. In fact, most of the oysters here are from Washington, US.

Interesting trivia about lemon and oyster.

4. JayWalk left...

Tuesday, 14 June 2005 9:28 am :: 

Anna: You haven't seen them is probably because nobody in Canada is dumb enough to want to eat oysters hauled off the shores of the nuclear power plant! Maybe that's why, they export them to us! hahaha

* Just kidding about the nuclear plant thing hor....

5. barffie left...

Wednesday, 15 June 2005 10:59 am

SUPER DROOL

6. JayWalk left...

Wednesday, 15 June 2005 11:47 am :: 

Yah man... talking about mutant seafood, I was in Sydney earlier in Feb where we had the King Crab.

The bladdy thing weighed 6 kg!! The friggin' claw was as big as my fore arm. At AUD 80 per kg, I didn't think it was worth the money. 

Gimme my chilli crab or black pepper crab any day. Cheap and good. Better yet, gimme the salted-egg crab as well. Yum.

My Runner's Curse

I was rudely awakened at about 4am, by a bad calf muscle cramp, that was so bad that I was still limping in the office come morning.

Guess what? This is nothing new to me as I have been having these midnight attacks since I was 15. Strangely, it would always be the calf muscles. So used to these attacks that it has gotten to a point where I am able, with sheer will power, to extend the offending muscle to stretch in the opposite direction of the muscular spasmodic contractions, then go back to sleep once the spasms subsided. No hands, no pressing against the wall, no standing at the edge of the step, nothing. Just sheer will power. A case of mind over matter as some would like to call it.

Last night's attack, however was a rare one in the sense that the intensity was beyond me as I was jolted wide awake in pain. My fight against it was futile as the pain was so excruciating that I waved the white flag after only 10 seconds. I was able to relieve the cramp eventually but not after struggling to get out of bed and stumbling to the nearest wall to pressed myself against it, stretching the calf muscle behind me.

So what happened when I was 15? I started running. Before that, I was a fat round kid, standing at 1.4m and weighing 40 kgs. According to the charts, I was borderline overweight (115% over). To add insult to injury, it was common for me to score zeros in all events of the physical fitness tests. I also faint a lot as I was mildly anaemic.

Then it all changed when I entered Sec 3. I was beginning to feel better as I started, on my doctor's advice to take iron supplements (which also included the bizarre recommendation of chewing up and swallowing the bones when I eat chicken). As for running, it was my own idea. I signed up for my school's cross-country running that year was originally for the simple reason of wanting to escape doing medic duty. The first few practices went absolutely horrible as I find myself close to the brink of death inside MacRitchie forest each time. However, as slow and steady as each practice went, training started to feel easier and I was starting to improve on my time significantly.

My first stab at the school cross country run was nothing to shout about as I finished under 25 minutes with a placing in the hundreds. Not too shabby for fat kid. I guess 15 was the time, I really shot up in height and by year's end, I was 1.6m but still 40kg. From 15% overweight to 20% underweight in a matter of months.

I felt healthier and fainting spells were a thing of the past as I continued to run on my own, after the cross-country event. Funny how, all of a sudden, I started to be interested in keeping fit. Girls perhaps? For what it was worth, I clocked in at 8:45 for my 2.4km and amassed a total of 26 out of a possible 30 points for that year's physical fitness test.

Sec 4 was a better year as I managed to do a sub-20 minute MacRitchie that year and was placed in the low 60s. Not bad for a guy who was just running for the fun of it. The following year's 2.4km fared ok as I clocked 9:12. Not as fast as the year before but I made it up by scoring the full 30 points overall. My stats at the end of Sec 4? 1.65m and still 40kg (30% underweight). I was beginning to look like a refugee.

During the period of these two year worth of growth spurts and running, the calf muscle cramps came often and frequently. Noticeably, they only occurred in the middle of the night which I thought perhaps was due to the cooler temperatures. I didn't really think much into it as I thought it was the price I had to pay for a rigorous training regime. Besides, the painful cramps would go ahead after a few minutes. So not much harm done there.

The midnight cramps became less frequent as I got older from secondary school to junior college to NS to university to present day. These days, the cramps come once every blue moon and I am blogging this wondering what triggered last night's attack?

I did some googling around and this is what I've got. Click here, if you have the same nocturnal cramp problem like I do.

- Voxeros

1. anna left...

Thursday, 9 June 2005 5:25 am

I get frequent calf cramps too and it may be hereditary. It could be due to running. My Dad and I are the only two in the family that are plagued by it. And we run.

I can't safely point my toes downwards when sleeping. When temperature drops, I get it too. Haha, so much for sleeping in the buff.

2. JayWalk left...

Thursday, 9 June 2005 8:48 am :: 

Really? No way!!! We have sooo much in common! 

Oh yes, and the cramps too... :P

This Spiderman Damn Fail

Caught this photo on the South China Morning Post dated 4 June 2005. (Click photo to enlarge)

Apparently, Spiderman climbed up the billboard of a cinema in Central, only to find himself stuck and unable to come down. (See red arrow at top right corner).

It took a while before rescue workers were able to rescue him, only to have him promptly arrested by the police. As it turned out, he was a political activists protesting against the T1ananmen incident, of which June 4th was the anniversary of that event.

For what it was worth, this guy really sia suay Spiderman siah..... Oh the shame.....

- Voxeros

1. anna left...

Wednesday, 8 June 2005 3:15 am

haha, this is funny ... clearly an imitator

The Mystery Of The Midnight Solitary Marble

There has recently been quite a bit of talking on several forums* talking about hearing marbles dropping and bouncing in the middle of the night. This applies mainly to those who stay either in HDB flats or private high-rise apartments.

I have to say that I too, have experienced this in my apartment as well.

It is always the sound of that one solitary marble that goes "Teck......      Teck.....      Teck...     Teck... Teck.. Teck.. TeckTeckTeTeTeTeTeTeTe........" rolling to a silent stop.

The sound always resonate from above and never from below.

When we think of marbles, we think of kids playing with them. However, several questions come into mind throwing the proverbial spanner in the works of thought.

1) What the hell is a kid doing up and playing marbles in the middle of the night (sometimes as late as 3am in the morning) ?

2) Do kids still play marbles these days?

Seriously, I don't think it's the kids playing and dropping that solitary marble... and no I don't it's the adults playing and dropping that solitary marble at 3am either.

Lagi strange thing is that I am not the only one to encounter this. Judging from the response from the various forums, there are quite a handful of people who also noticed the "solitary marble" phenomenon.

Are there that many people out there bouncing marbles in the middle of the night?

Some suggest reason of a supernatural nature but the skeptic in me thinks otherwise. Surely, there must be a more credible answer. No?

So far, the most plausible explanation, is that the sound comes from the contractions of the steel rods between the floors and walls, as a result of the lowering of temperature at night. We don't hear it in the evenings because of the ambient noise e.g. TV, people activities, etc. that drown the sound of contractions which is why we only hear the "marble noise" loud and clear in the dead of night.

Still, it baffles me as to the rhythm of this "teck teck" sound. It is the very same rhythm of a dropped solitary marble bouncing to a stop. If the explanation of the contracting rods holds true, then the similarity of the "teck teck" sound is really uncanny.

Coincidence? What do you think?

Ahh... the mysteries of our daily living...

* Quicks to the various Forums: SPUG, Togoparts.

- Voxeros

1. Meepok left...

Tuesday, 7 June 2005 1:43 pm

great blog. I've keeping track of this in the ST forum as well. I think there is no good explanation. It will remain an urban legend like Ah Lians who can speak good England.

2. ei|een left...

Tuesday, 7 June 2005 4:09 pm :: http://sadomasochisticme.blogspot.com

i've experienced this so many times, its become something of a norm. so much so that at times, i don't even realise its happening anymore. just one of those things that "happens". and i've even heard it occasionally in the daytime as well.

someone once explained it to me. something like there are spirits and the contractors put marbles in between the floors when they are building flats to let these spirits play with. appease them so they don't disturb us.

true? i don't know. but all i know is that it is a common phenomenon in singapore. almost everyone has heard it at least once or twice.

3. JayWalk left...

Tuesday, 7 June 2005 4:14 pm :: 

MeePok: I actually don't mind the creaking and cranking noise in the house. The thing about this sound that bugs me is the uncanny resemblance to that of a bouncing goli.

I lived on the 19th floor and my upstair neighbour is an elderly childless couple. Don't tell me Ah PeK par goli har?

ei|een: Assuming that there are spirits and that we are indeed giving them goli to play so as not to disturb us. Think about it, aren't they still disturbing us by bouncing the marble in the dead of night?

This spirits literally si nong kia..... nah beh...

4. anna left...

Tuesday, 7 June 2005 11:24 pm

Your contraction theory is plausible. I've heard "teck teck teck" before but never put much thoughts to them .... Wonder why?

5. JayWalk left...

Wednesday, 8 June 2005 1:22 am :: 

anna: Why ah? Maybe you thought it was your bed post rhythmically tapping against the wall? *don't hit me!*

:P

Learning To Drive

I was reading Belle's blog and I learned that she was going for her driver's test come 17 June 2005 at [Email me if you wish to know what time. *evil laughter*].

It kind of reminded me of Shing's driver's test back in 1988 and how we absolutely ruined it for him.

Getting a driver's license was an obsession at our age during that time. First thing we would do on our 17th birthday was to sign up for the Basic Theory test. Shing, being born in January, was the oldest among us and the first to start the L-Plate process. Also, the fact that he opted to go Poly after "O"-Levels (Poly academic term starts only in July) meant that he was able to learn his driving on a full-timed basis.

Soon it was June and he was ready to take his first driver's test. We were all so jealous with his headstart over us as we were either born later, or unable to fasttrack our driving lessons due to hectic JC life, or both.

Word of Shing's test date and time got out and we planned the ultimate prank on him. All of us cut class that day to go "support" him. There were more than 20 of us there at Ubi Test Centre that morning, in all colours of school uniforms and civilians for the Poly-bound guys. We gave him a rousing applause when he stepped out of the centre with his tester. His jaw dropped.

我们永远支持你！


We clapped, cheered and whistled at every turn and at every stop that he made. I think we totally destroyed his concentration that day. Yes, we were all f*cking bastards.

I'd bet that was the longest 30 minutes of his life as he knocked over a pole during parallel parking and his back wheel caught the curb at the crank-course.

Result? 2 Immediate Failures and 54 Demerit Points. He didn't speak to us for a month after that.

That was a one-off thing as the rest of us made a pact not to do this to each other after learning the impact of the "trauma". Shing was lagi NOT HAPPY as it meant that there was no way of getting his revenge on anyone of us. No, not even one.

---

It was a Wednesday on my birthday later that month, as I sneaked out of school right after recess (Recess is very important, you know? Cannot skip one.) and was met by a PE teacher at the bus stop.

PE Teacher: What are you doing out of school at this time?

Me: Er.... I just wanted to get home to get my text book. I lived very near here.

PE Teacher: Don't lie to me. Where is your pink slip? I suggest you head back to school now.

Me: *murmuring expletives*

So there I was, walking back to school towards the main gate. But before I reached the main gate, I made a dash to the right and jumped into the bushes. I bashed my way through Rochester Park to Buona Vista MRT station. Nothing was going to stop me from registering for my Basic Theory test date. Nothing.

Such was my determination as I finally made it to the Queenstown Driving Test Centre, 40 minutes later. As I was walking passed the bus stop outside the Test Centre, I saw the same PE teacher looking down at me from the upper deck of Bus 198. It was easy to spot me as I was in school uniform. Our eyes met. Hong Kan!!

I was sure he was looking all over the school for me the following week. However, I was a step ahead of him as I took off my glasses and comb my hair in the opposite direction (with the parting flipped to the other side) for the entire week.

You will be surprised how different you'd look when you comb your hair in the opposite direction, switching your parting to the other side. Unless your hair is Ah-Beng-Centre-Parting, then bor pian lah. You can also try using a bar of soap to shape your eyebrows to get a different look. However, be forewarned when the sweat drips past your eyebrow and into your eyes. Bak chew si beh tiah!! $@#$#@$!!!!

Anyway, in case you are interested to know, I pulled off the escape. Hah!

- Voxeros

1. anna left...

Tuesday, 7 June 2005 6:31 am

is that a touch-up photo? or was the car really submerged?

2. JayWalk left...

Tuesday, 7 June 2005 12:03 pm :: 

This is for real. Check out the news article here.
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/articles/11708907?source=Evening%20Standard

Actually come to think of it, we did have a similar case back in Singapore. I believe it was on a stormy afternoon a few years back. Visibility was low and the cabbie wasn't familiar with the condo's layout. Poor cabbie drove his taxi into the pool.

3. ei|een left...

Tuesday, 7 June 2005 4:02 pm :: http://sadomasochisticme.blogspot.com

you guys were evil! remind me never to let you know when i take my driving test in future. heh.
and damn "suay" to meet your teacher on the bus. so coincidental! can't believe he's really so blur that he couldn't recognise you. haha!

4. JayWalk left...

Tuesday, 7 June 2005 4:16 pm :: http://voxeros.blog-city.com

--> Allow me to tell you another prank that I pulled. Goto my good buddy's blog and read all the way down. My anecdote is in the comments.

http://meepoktah.blogdrive.com/comments?id=52

--> The PE teacher not blur lah for a couple of reasons. 

1) That particular PE teacher was not in charge of my class and as such does not know me on a personal basis.

2) I am exempted from PE as I am a school sportsman and as such, I have my own training schedule and program to follow.

Actually, if you try the few tips e.g. change hair parting to the other side, and shape your eyebrow with a bar of soap, you will actually look different. Of course, taking off the glasses help a lot too.

Runaway Bridesmaids

Spent the whole Friday with Doug for it was his wedding day.

I learned that a Taiwanese wedding is very much the same as the ours back home. It was the parents' wedding day actually, as they tend to be more involved than the bride and groom.

Anyway, since there wasn't going to be a church wedding, the day's schedule was a lot less hectic compared to the weddings back home.

The actual fetching of the bride starts only after lunch and the tea ceremonies at both sides finished within 2 hours.

All was over and done with by 4pm as we all returned for a quick shower and a change of clothes, before heading for the hotel where the dinner part of the wedding would be held.

The dinner banquet was pretty S.O.P.. I guess as long as we are all Chinese, the wedding all same pattern one. With the usual entrance, speech, 10-course dinner, champagne toast, cut wedding cake, more speeches, make bride and groom do stoopid things on stage, table-to-table toasting and picture taking and then f*ck off.

The only difference for them, is that the bride's father decided to book the hotel's entire KTV for the night. What is a wedding without a bit of Karaoke to end the night huh? There were easily over 150+ people taking up the entire third floor of the hotel. They literally invaded the place.

"Big Riot Style" KTV was obviously not our thing as the four bridesmaids suggested that we sneak away from the big massive confusion and do our own partying. How do you say no to 4 beautiful ladies? I went, taking Richie along with me. So there I was plonked in the backseat of the car with Bridesmaid #1, Phyllis taking the wheel, with Bridesmaids #3 and #4 joining us separately after helping the bride and groom tie up the wedding's loose ends and then ditching the couple into the sea of the karaoke crooners.

"We are heading down to ShenZhen, which is probably an hour away." Bridesmaid #2 Trish said.

"Hey Richie," I continued as I noticed Richie looking a tad worried. "do you know how to get back from ShenZhen later?"

"No." came the mousey reply.

"Hong Kan!" I muttered, though nobody understood what that meant.

"Don't worry about it," said Phyllis. "You can stay over at our place."

"Yeah, we'll give you a ride in the morning." Trish added.

Tio Beh Pio Siah...

Anyway, we reached this place within an hour due to smooth traffic and one thing I can tell you about the difference between pubs in ShenZhen and back home. ShenZhen pubs are filled to the brim with women. Being a foreigner has its advantages here.

Here's the strange thing. I didn't even get a chance to pay for any of my drinks. Other than the few Barcadi&Ts that Trish and Phyllis bought me, someone was always a step ahead of me, signing my chits. How bizarre! Well, whoever you are, I thank you for the drinks.

So there I was partying away with them and a few new friends, I made that night. It's nice to meet you Nikki and Suzanne!

Richie, on the other hand, was a different sack of potatoes as he sank into a corner nursing his coke with a very stressed-out expression.

I decided to take a time-out to check on the poor boy.

"Hey, let me ask you a very important question." I asked. "Do you have enough cab fare to go home?"

"Yes, I think so." He replied. Good. So much for the time-out as I plunged back into the party.

As tempted as the Trish and Phyllis' offer was, I was glad I had enough brain cells left to stumble out of the pub and into a cab. I was due for a client meeting at 9 in the morning. Die die must get back before sunrise. Machiam Count Dracula siah...

It was a little over an hour on the highway back to where I stayed, as we raced against the sun. The cab fare came up to almost RMB 200 (SGD 40) which caught me off-guard a little but heck lah, it was the only damage of the night, anyway.

For us guys who are used to having chauffeurs here, getting around in cabs can be a challenge for those who are newbies in Ch1na as in the case of Richie. I hope Richie spent the night with the girls as I doubt he had enough money on him anyway. Local cabbies do not accept credit cards.

He's screwed either way.

UPDATE: Finally managed to track Richie down today. He was still in Trish's place, two days later. Ok... my imagination is running riot now....

- Voxeros

1. a reader left...

Sunday, 5 June 2005 12:50 pm

Ha, I'm sure they've been doing the dirty the past two days.
FF

2. JayWalk left...

Sunday, 5 June 2005 1:46 pm

FF: I am SO going to find out when I see Trish later this week. Confess! Confess!

3. anna left...

Tuesday, 7 June 2005 6:30 am

I bet you wish you were in Richie's shoes right?

4. JayWalk left...

Tuesday, 7 June 2005 12:06 pm :: 

Anna: Can't say that thought didn't cross my mind. Heh heh....

But the bottomline is that I woke up in my own bed.