31 March 2008

Dumbass Of The Week VII

I must have complained about this for like a shitload of times to the extend that even CowboyCaleb knows and feels my grief.

It is my ultimate luck to hire THE MOST CHAMPION KUM LAN CHAUFFEUR IN THE WORLD. Got GPS Navigation unit still can get lost??!!? WTF?

I can let the whole matter slide if this is too new tech for the retired ex-army truck driver but to have the audacity to criticise the device as "inaccurate" and "lousy", Lim Peh totally lost it.

Just last week, I had to goto GuangZhou to pick up some customers from Australia. You can tell who are the noobs and who are the old birds of the furniture customers by the choice of airports coming into my part of Spitland.

Guangzh0u and you are definitely a noob as most, if not all of the old birds would come in via HongKong and ShenZhen, but I digress.

Anyway, the problem with Guangzhou is that it is a bladdy pain in the ass to get there (and back), the journey each way averages between 80 to 100km and let us not forget the pain in the arse traffic in the Guangzhou city itself. To get there, be ready to allocate about 1.5 to 2 hours in addition to an empty bladder. Last friday, my journey up to Guangzhou took me 4 hours to reach my destination but that is another story sans GPS device.

Initially, the journey started off easily as there is only 1 highway to goto Guangzhou and so fine, no argument with the GPS navigation device. It was only when we hit Guangzhou city where the roads became increasing complex that my chauffeur started showing signs of cracking up.

Sure, the GPS device was not perfect as the map was slighted dated in the sense that there are times where the road ahead of us did not match the map as a result of ongoing roadworks etc.

Let me give you an example. Supposed that the map shows a straight road ahead to a junction 3km ahead. Instead, what you see in front of you is a fly-over fork splitting one to turn left and one to turn right i.e. no straight road for you. What do you do?

This was when he started a bitch-fest whining about how lousy this GPS device was and hence blaming it for us being lost. I was like HARLOW!! What is so difficult? There is a Green Line feature in the unit where it points to the ultimate destination and in that particular case, it was pointed 45 degrees to the right i.e. our set destination is ahead to the right. So by simple logic deduction, you take the right fork lor. What is so difficult??!!!

Next he started complaining about the GPS Unit going crazy as it kept announcing that it is recalculating route repeatedly. I was like HARLOW!! The GPS device had to recalculating route repeatedly was because he farking stupid kept missing the turn that the device was trying to tell him to! KNN.... device say turn right, he KNN kept going straight. OF COURSE HAVE TO RECALCULATE LAH, FARKING STOOPID KOTEK!!!

The GPS device also have a distance count down feature i.e. how many more km to destination.  Stoopid kotek, as he shall now be known henceforth, ignored the GPS instructions saying he had been there before and hence was familiar with the route. Thus "gave him the leverage" to criticise the lousy GPS device for recommending us the longer route.

Next thing we know, he was lost as it was obvious he was going in circles but remained silent to disguise his panic. Alas, the GPS device was not as forgiving as I could see how he was driving.

So here's how the distance countdown goes. 3.3km > 3.2km > 3.1km (we were travelling straight) > GPS says turn right > driver ignore and went straight > 3.0km > 5.4km > 5.5km> 5.6km > WTF???!! > We are now driving further and further away??!!!?

I almost lost it that day. I wanted to bash the stoopid kotek up, fire him on the spot, take over the steering while and kick him out of the car leaving him to figure out how to go home from Guangzhou.

But I didn't.

I would have scared my Aussie customers on board to death. Have to 保持形象. M... Must control Fist Of Death....

KNN, chor lim peh sibeh du lan.


- Voxeros

1. Posh left...
Monday, 31 March 2008 8:37 am ::
somethings never change, perhaps you should consider looking for a replacement in the meantime.

2. OLLie left...
Monday, 31 March 2008 11:12 am ::
Omgoodness. I laughed like mad while reading. hahahaha.. Pardon me. It was simply too hilarious to not laugh. hahaha..
Actually my experience with GPS is that they sometimes give a much longer route, and being in S1ngapore, I cant stand having to use some machine to navigate through the normal routes that I go, so I normally do without.

3. Faith left...
Monday, 31 March 2008 2:24 pm
Oh my goodness! You didn't murder him??? I would so have killed him...or gotten out of the car! You should be awarded for your patience! Very proud of you.

4. Shelly left...
Monday, 31 March 2008 6:21 pm
My only question is: Why you cannot drive in SpitLand leh?
Saves you a lot of aggravation (and salary) to hire a damnass kotek like him.

5. JayWalk left...
Monday, 31 March 2008 6:24 pm :: 
Posh: We are looking but at least this guy is trustworthy. Safety factor is also very important.

Ollie: We use GPS only if we don't know the route. I mean if you know how to get there, then wouldn't the use of GPS be redundant? Hence there is no way we can know if the route is longer or shorter. All I am concerned is that I can get to my intended destination within a controlled amount of time.

Faith: My boot then was filled with my customer's bags and so I have no space to stuff his body. Hence, I didn't kill him. It was his lucky day.

6. JayWalk left...
Monday, 31 March 2008 6:41 pm :: 
Shelly: Welcome to the blog. Haven't seen you commenting here for a long time liao. Anyway, I have the following reasons:

1. People here do not drive according to the rules. As such, even if you are the most traffic law-abiding you are still going to get into accident.

2. I have a lot of biz entertainment at night to do which means I would be drinking and driving in a place where people drive with disregard to the rules.

3. Some of my trips can be as long as 8 hour car rides. I think I would be more productive if I can let someone do the driving while I work in the car.

4. When there is an accident, the foreigner will always be disadvantaged as they see this as an opportunity to extort money from you.

7. Rachel left...
Tuesday, 1 April 2008 12:57 am ::
Wah lau. Driver and secretary also kumlan one... Come lah, I come work for you. LOL.

8. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 1 April 2008 2:25 pm :: 
Rachel: Cannot cannot!! I can't afford you!! Besides, you'd be too distracting liao. *shy*

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