J-Files Case# 543.534d - Profile: Agent NadNut

We have been on Agent-Nadnut's case for quite some time already and she remained as elusive as ever. Looks like it may take more than China Redbull to entice her into joining up with us. While in most cases, we adopt a clear-cut Friend-or-Foe policy i.e. if not for us, then against us, strictly no in-between grey areas. However, given the many invaluable attributes that Agent-Nadnut possesses, we have no choice but to bend our own policy in order to accomodate this prized target. Hence, since J-Files Case# 882.732, we have escalated her case to Elusively Valuable Undermining Reason and Logic (EVURL) level.

Her recent attempt to terminate Agent-J's nuts failed and we almost captured her with a ambush at POD. Agent-Nadnut is a sly one and we failed to tempt her with Booze, Sweets and Hoon Kee. She remained steadfastly defiant against our many attempts of temptation.

It was indeed unfortunate, that she made her escape from POD with the help of her sidekick, which we only came to know of recently. More will be covered on this new character in the "Others" section.

SWOP Analysis

Strength
As mentioned in the earlier case, she has many weapons under her belt. However, we recently uncovered a new weapon during our ambush which partially aided her escape. The hypnotic effect implanted into her voice has caused the various G.I.L.A. agents weak in their respective English Knees, resulting in a severe handicap during pursuit.

We have reports from Agent-66 that on top of the weapon of Hypnotic Voice, she also an expert of in the martial art of clawing. Agent-66 has personally witnessed the demise of an enemy agent shredded to pieces via Agent-Nadnut formidable claws.

Weakness
Agent-Nadnut's ferocious appetite for all things bovine was an eye opener. We were fortunate none of our agents during the ambush, was born in the year of the cow ox or our casualty count would have been disastrous.

Agent-Nadnut's affinity for cow can also be looked upon as her weakness. Perhaps if our labs can produced Redbull Steak, we would have her in our kitty very soon. So far, the closest we have gotten is the Coca-Cola Chicken proudly developed by our own Agent-Meepok. I am sure, getting from there to Redbull Steak would only be a step further.

Others
The mystery sidekick that appeared during the night of the ambush as identified as Agent-Tiger. We have yet to establish a full dossier on this character but our field agents are currently working on it. Full report will be presented as soon as all the vital information have been consolidated.

Perhaps another way of getting to Agent-Nadnut would be via Agent-Tiger? Further investigative probe is required.

ProspectNone at the moment as we have yet to maintain a successful dialogue. However, we have planted Agent-AKK with a box of Malaysian C4 for Agent-Nadnut in our attempts to hook her. Then again, should Agent-AKK consumed all of it before reaching the hands of Agent-Nadnut, then all hopes are lost.

As a precaution, we need to step up on our research on this mystery Agent-Tiger post haste!

Agent-Nadnut has proved to be a tough nut to crack. Let's hope that all the efforts and resources committed thus far will not go to waste. Good luck Gentlemen!

AGENT-J

- Voxeros

1. agent nadnut left...

Friday, 30 December 2005 10:14 am

muahahahaa. i'm the only agent who didnt succumb to you! :P

2. akk left...

Friday, 30 December 2005 10:23 am

I have failed u boss! the C4 plan is in TATTERS!!! she found out abt it and force the whole bag into me, wrappers and all...

3. JayWalk left...

Friday, 30 December 2005 11:30 am :: 

Agent Nadnut: Acherly hor, it was done on purpose lah. If don't let the bad guy escape, then where got chance to do sequel?

Think of all the merchandising! J-Files T-shirt, J-Files Coffee Mug, J-Files Toilet Paper....

Akk: Force the whole bag into you. Man, that sounded so wrong.....

4. agent nadnut left...

Friday, 30 December 2005 3:06 pm

im the heroine! wheeeeeeeeeee!

5. JayWalk left...

Friday, 30 December 2005 3:51 pm ::

Agent-Nadnut: Bah! ... Nuts...... ><

6. Agent 66 left...

Friday, 30 December 2005 5:10 pm

*shhhhhh, i am already getting Agent Nadnut to be cracked with my present this sun.. dun worry*
:P

7. JayWalk left...

Friday, 30 December 2005 5:42 pm :: 

Agent-66: So now you know why you are my No.1 Ang Pai agent.
Looking forward to your good news. Good work, Agent-66!

8. agent nadnut left...

Saturday, 31 December 2005 2:31 pm

wait long long!

J-Files Case# 882.732 - Operation Crimson Cattle (Supplement)

I supposed a lot of people catch no ball when I did the J-Files Case# 882.732 - Operation Crimson Cattle piece.

As such, a bit of background information is in order for the benefit of those who have been scratching their heads since.

It all started with an MSN chat with Nadnut (see below) when I blurted that I am able to write about anything and everything. The gauntlet of challenge was thrown and I realised a foot-in-mouth as soon as she set "Nadnut" as the topic. Hong gan liao.

Fortunately, by a stroke of sheer dumb luck of inspiration, I managed to come up with the Secret Agent plotline. Not quite the 1000-word piece that she demanded but at 600+ words, buay pai liao lah...

So now you know.

Session Start : Tue Nov 15 09:27:38 2005 [10:00] JayWalk: i turned the gig down coz i cannot write under pressure. [10:00] JayWalk: sure haywire one..... [10:00] Nadnut: yeah roh [10:03] Nadnut: wat do u write? [10:03] JayWalk: i dun mean short stories like yours. [10:03] JayWalk: i mean stuff on my blog. [10:04] JayWalk: or give me a topic. any topic and i can crunch it out easily. [10:04] JayWalk: as long as i get myself into the "zone" [10:06] Nadnut: hahaa [10:06] Nadnut: any topic ah? [10:06] JayWalk: well....almost..... [10:06] Nadnut: i give u one topic u write? [10:06] Nadnut: hahahaa [10:07] JayWalk: don't give me topic like yeast infection and i will be fine... [10:07] Nadnut: ... [10:07] Nadnut: topic = nadnut [10:07] Nadnut: wahahhahahaahaa [10:07] JayWalk: ok. [10:07] JayWalk: Nadnut's Nut. [10:09] JayWalk: i think i will write about Nadnut after i meet her. [10:09] JayWalk: what d;ya think? [10:10] Nadnut: hahaa [10:10] Nadnut: stalling! [10:10] JayWalk: ok ok ... fine..... hmmppttt [10:10] Nadnut: hahaha Session Close (Nadnut): Tue Nov 15 12:24:01 2005

- Voxeros

1. nadnut left...

Monday, 21 November 2005 7:16 pm

wwahahaha. *cough*

2. akk left...

Tuesday, 22 November 2005 9:39 am

and a great job was done, man! hurrah! heheheh...

3. JayWalk left...

Tuesday, 22 November 2005 10:18 am ::

nadnut: Cough cough har? Go drink some redbull to soothe your throat ok?

Akk: I tell har, it was sheer luck. I was mulling over it for over a day and nothing, nada, zero, geero, zilch.
Then a sudden gush of shit to the brain and out came the 600+-word piece in 10 minutes. Heng ah...

4. mht left...

Tuesday, 22 November 2005 2:19 pm

so this is what it is all about. from a challenge by Nadnut.

5. JayWalk left...

Tuesday, 22 November 2005 4:23 pm ::

mht: Yup so now you know. The supplement was an after-thought since private jokes will exclude a lot of other people. Not nice lah....
You want, you also can do a Agent MHT piece.

6. mht left...

Tuesday, 22 November 2005 9:52 pm

tks but no tks.

7. JayWalk left...

Tuesday, 22 November 2005 10:34 pm :: 

mht: Awww... party pooper... :P

8. nadnut left...

Tuesday, 22 November 2005 11:40 pm

yeah lah! party pooper! booooo

J-Files Case# 882.732 - Operation Crimson Cattle

Secret Location: HMT, 17 Nov 2005 1302 ZULU

Agent-S2: Agent-J, Sir!

Agent-J: Ahh.. good to see you. What do you have for me from this intelligence gathering assignment?

Agent-S2: Yes Sir and we have also acquired a target that we are now closely monitoring.

Name: Nad Crystel.
Espionage Category: Freelance Mercenary.
Background: Ex-Cop*.
Age: 21.
Street Callsign: "Nadnut".

Our codebreakers are currently deciphering what it means but we are speculating that it is probably Nadnut = Gonad + Nut = Testicles.

Agent-J: Ahh... so it's a guy.

Agent-S2: Er.. Sir, it's a girl.

Agent-J: *sputter* A girl with BALLS?!!!

Agent-S2: Sir, I hope you meant that in the figurative sense.

Agent-J: *cough* But of course. *cough cough*

Agent-S2: If I may proceed, Agent Nadnut is an expert of disguises. She has the ability to transform into different people but also people of different gender. But the ultimate piece de resistance in her identity deception repertoire is her ability to transform into different animals. Sir, please see the screen for the various shots that we managed to take while on surveillance. See how she is able to transform from man to woman? Next slide, please.

[Click]

Agent-S2: See how she is able to transform from genie to angel to gingerbread man? Or from human to cow to bird to dragon?

Agent-J: By Josh! You're right. She is definitely unrivaled in this field! What else?

Agent-S2: We also managed earlier to hack into her Field Log at BlogSpot but our cover was blown when we were exposed. She later shut it down and move to another undisclosed location. Sir, you would be proud of us when we say that we managed to keep pace with her and also managed to hack into her new site. We are, however, more careful this time and have been undetected since.

Agent-J: Go on.

Agent-S2: She is also very accomplished in combat. Her eyes alone can disarm any man within 10 ft and her weapon of choice is the Liquid Blade where a master-stroke of the keyboard and she can write you off the face of the Earth. Our intelligence reports also indicated that she is also presently working on the Roller Blade which would enhanced her mobility significantly. There is still some time before she can fully harness this device. We need to stop her fast!

Agent-J: Now we need to know more about who exactly she is and what is her next course of movement.

Agent-S2: A current Singapore passport holder, she is of Malay and Chinese descend. Agent Nadnut not only has very established connections to the media, but also very well connected internationally. From her Field Log, we managed to track her every movement. She was last seen in Holland Village, armed with a Finnish communicator** ordering Chinese Dumplings in a California Kitchen.

Agent-J: Hmm... a modern day Carmen SanDiego. A rare gem indeed!

Agent-S2: We also have intelligence from an underground informant that she is due to receive a batch of RedBull from Hong Kong next month. The transaction is due to take place in a Russian restaurant in the Far East*** under the watchful eyes of the Hainanese****. We heard that there may also be a batch of Malaysian bubble-gum transacted as well.

Agent-J: Yes, I have heard of that restaurant. I bet she'd would also go through the sacrificial cow ceremony and seal off the meeting with a Bomba Alaska.

Agent-S2: That's it! Bomba Alaska! So this is what it's all about! Sir, you're a genius!

Agent-J: Good work, Agent-S2. We must leave as soon as possible. Prepare the itinerary!

Agent-S2: Yes Sir. Right away, Sir.

Agent-J: We need to intercept that that Malaysian bubble-gum....


Glossary
* Cop. = N.P.C.C.
** Finnish Communicator = Nokia Phone
*** Far East = Far East Shopping Centre
**** Hainanese = Hainanese Waiters

- Voxeros

1. z left...

Thursday, 17 November 2005 2:58 pm

have received word that the operation may have been blown due to a leak in communications. also, this message "ze canadians want their sense of humour back."
=)

2. mihuatang left...

Thursday, 17 November 2005 2:59 pm

you not scare wait she unleash her "sistahood of torture" on you ah? (hmmm...maybe it is not workable outside the bar)

3. JayWalk left...

Thursday, 17 November 2005 3:15 pm :: 

z: To retort the Canadians I shall respond with an "Ay?"

mihuatang: No scared lah. Only turtle scared hammer.

4. Lynne left...

Thursday, 17 November 2005 9:24 pm

How "a boot" those Canadians?!
Nadnut is a pretty "mixed" :)

5. JayWalk left...

Thursday, 17 November 2005 9:35 pm :: 

Lynne: Man... how did Canadian get into this? The mix in Nadnut makes her an exotic hottie. Yes?

6. Lynne left...

Friday, 18 November 2005 3:33 am

Dunno, as long as somebody mentions them, must say something lah ... Yeah, she's sizzling hot ... You see, no touch, OK?

7. JayWalk left...

Friday, 18 November 2005 7:31 am :: 

Lynne: Of course see, no touch lah. In fact, I will go one step further.
I will see, no touch, nose bleed. hahahaha.

8. Audit Krimson Kake left...

Friday, 18 November 2005 10:44 am

Rumours from the Underworld have uncovered connections with Asian Carmen S's purported receipt of HK redbull in the coming month to a atas-flying agent currently manhandling Operation Crimson Cattle. Audit C(K)rimson C(K)ake Corp. has detected a mole/perpetrator/tua-pai-lang in your midst. Agent J, you are under investigation.... >P

9. Zhe Bin left...

Friday, 18 November 2005 11:36 am

Haha! You can pull a lot of stuffs out of your a** I think. = P Anyway how was your tournament?

10. winter left...

Friday, 18 November 2005 2:06 pm

u r so sweeeeeeeeeet
i bet it makes her lafff
:P

11. JayWalk left...

Friday, 18 November 2005 2:43 pm :: 

AKK: Roger that Agent AKK. I have since activated Agents CJD and DEEK to look into this.
This will be a new project of the Covert Ops classification. Please get your clearance mustered at once.
We will meet again at POD at the RelAKK One Corner.

12. JayWalk left...

Friday, 18 November 2005 3:01 pm ::

Zhe Bin: Well, it helps that I am right-brained. Creative juices just flow a tad easier for me.
In other words, I tok kok king lah... wahahahaa....

Winter: Like I said, just lucky to be at the right place right time. This was geared towards cheering her up from her Bar fight. Merely coincidence.

13. JayWalk left...

Friday, 18 November 2005 3:05 pm ::

Zhe Bin: Forgot to answer the tournament bit. Same answer as usual. I crapped out. Haiz....
I thot I turned the corner when I came in 3rd and 4th in the last two tournaments. Now back to the bottom half again..... oh well....

14. nadnut left...

Saturday, 19 November 2005 12:05 am :: http://nadnut.liquidblade.com

hor hor hor. agent nadnut has found out about your plans!

15. JayWalk left...

Saturday, 19 November 2005 8:36 am :: 

nadnut: This is not good. Our cover is compromised. Agent Nadnut must be neutralised.
Let this be a warning shot to a worthy adversary.
Watch your nuts. We are coming after them... :P

16. agent nadnut left...

Saturday, 19 November 2005 10:33 am :: http://nadnut.liquidblade.com

neutralised?!
u wait long long! with redbull, i can fly! u better watch YOUR nuts. there is a reason why i'm called agent nadnut right? ;)

17. JayWalk left...

Saturday, 19 November 2005 11:10 am :: 

Nadnut: One word now, all thanks to you.
Shriveled. :(

18. nadnut left...

Sunday, 20 November 2005 5:53 am :: http://nadnut.liquidblade.com

shrivelled? o.O

19. JayWalk left...

Sunday, 20 November 2005 8:04 am ::

Nadnut: Not o.0.

More like ** .

Wahahahaha....