18 April 2008

Dave Draws The Line

Dave is an uncle-in-law of a good brother of mine here in Spitland. Good brother and I are so close that his uncle is my uncle, his dad is my dad and vice versa.

So anyway, I got to know Dave when my good brother got married and that's when we got to know the rest of the extended family. Dave may be an uncle in name but he is closer to our generation as he is still a swinging bachelor (young at heart?) in his early 50s.

Anyway, I see him quite often but we don't really talk much. Both of us are regulars at the gym which we see each other 2 to 3 times a week but I have my own training regime and he has his. We may adjourned for a beer or a meal after gym from time to time but that about it.

One thing about Dave is that he is one quirky character and half the time I don't know what he is talking about to which I more often than not do the obligatory nod nod, pretending I am still in the conversation.
So anyway, I got a call from Dave yesterday asking me not to go gym and to have dinner with him instead. Apparently, he has a friend who has 3 furniture retail stores and was in town that night. He wanted to link us up to see if we have any opportunities arising thereof. Initially, I was reluctant but seeing this as a plausible business opportunity, I relented to his incessant bugging.

As this was going to be an evening of dinner then going out to drink, I called CowBoyCaleb to come along so that he doesn't have to eat dinner and spend the evening alone in a foreign land. Also, I foresee a super boring evening ahead and CowBoyCaleb is always good company.

So after dinner, we drove to a nearby place to drink and I called Macro along too. Macro is the General Manager of the hotel which I put CowBoyCaleb in and he is a very nice guy, which we all got along great together.

I do have to concede that I was in the wrong to invite people when I was not the host of the night. The correct thing would be to ask the host as a form of courtesy. It was my bad to assuming that we are at the level of friendship where my friends are your friends and your friends are my friends.

Apparently not, as he went on and on and on nagging this. He didn't dare to create a big scene coz I would have just stood up and left. I don't think I can be accused of freeloading the party as I have enough money to pay for my own party too. What is a night of drinking to me? I carry enough money that it warrants its own money clip and in a separate pocket coz the stack of bills won't fit my wallet. I need to freeload meh?

So anyway, I made my apology and that was that but this incident kept playing in loop over in my head the whole of today.

I have come to the conclusion that I am sorry for two things.

1) I am sorry for my lack of manners not to consult the host prior to inviting an extra friend to the drinking session.

2) I am also sorry that Dave will never be my friend as he has so clearly drawn the line in the sand of my place as far as he is concerned. I tried to treat him as a brother, which is why I assumed that it was a given to be able to just call an extra friend or two, along for drinks. Obviously, Dave didn't think likewise and so I guess Dave shall forever be an acquaintance, for I too, would keep him at arm's length from hereon.

- Voxeros

1. OLLie left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 12:48 am
He sounds like a bitch to me. hahaha.. Male version. Oops. Pardon my french. hahahah.. So geh gow for what? The more the merrier mah.

2. Pam left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 5:23 am
but...if Dave was intending for it to be a business discussion... then surely it wouldn't be ok for the others to come along? Perhaps if you had the 'meeting' over dinner and then adjourned for drinks then it would have been ok to have the other friends along? Afterall, it is supposedly common to have 'business meetings/getting to know you' over makan/drinks in your part of the world isn't it? it might also be a 'generation gap' thing - he might be young at heart, but he is from a different generation so it might have been a misunderstanding?!

3. Mistress Grace left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 9:23 am
U think everyone like me so swee pian ah...hahaha anyway its not good manners to not tell the host u are bringing a friend. But thats very lao gu pan thinking..

4. JayWalk left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 10:08 am :: 
Ollie: It was a rude awakening for me to be honest. It was my mistake to assume in the first place.

Pam: First of all, what business can you really conduct in a binge drinking session? Second of all, Dave doesn't know what kind of furniture business I am in and as such explains my initial skepticism of wanting to attend. Third, the furniture shop guy arrived only at 12 midnight which kind of tell you how "serious" this business meeting was. Last, I still dunno what kind of furniture he is selling and if my merchandise's styling is suitable for his target market. So the whole night didn't amount to much now did it?

Mistress Grace: Yes, it was my oversight as far as protocol is concerned as I foolishly think that we are on a carte blanc basis among close friends. Apparently, we are not friends yet nor ever will be as far as I can help it.

5. Faith left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 12:50 pm
I've realised over the years of living in different countries, friendships can be a tricky thing. And I thought that it's only a girl thing but thanks for letting me know that it's a guy thing too. Well, it can be a rude awakening when you realise that your level of friendship is different from the other party's. And that can in turn be rather hurtful on your part too. Had that happened recently.

6. thiang left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 3:23 pm
I agree. People whom you think are close at heart, for all you know, always turns out unexpected.

7. JayWalk left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 4:10 pm :: 
Faith Sim: It was a face-slap moment to realised that I have held him in higher regard then he me.

Thiang: Well, I won't go to the extent of "always" but just one is enough to ruin your day.

8. Pam left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 5:26 pm
in your blog, you didn't say it was a binge drinking session, nor did you say he arrived at 12mn. so.. apologies if that wasn't understood by me!
if it was a 'dinner followed by drinks' as you wrote, then i would have assumed that the dinner part of the evening would have been appropriate to conduct 'business'. or at least the preliminaries of getting to know each other/what kind of business are both parties in/are there commonalities.
If it was me, and someone asked if I'd go along for a dinner cum drinks with someone I didn't know for the purposes of 'work/business', I would have assumed that I can't bring friends along, until at least the drinks/dessert time. but that's me. different strokes for different people I guess.

9. JayWalk left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 7:18 pm :: 
Pam: No need to apologise lah.... you are right, I didn't have all the necessary information in my entry. But as far as I know, I don't entertain mix drinking with business coz I may forget what I say or promise.

10. Mistress Grace left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 10:42 pm
hahaha plus he may fall asleep and drool after 12 PM

11. JayWalk left...
Friday, 18 April 2008 11:22 pm :: 
Mistress Grace: Dun pichar my lobang lah.... can?

12. darkelfin left...
Saturday, 19 April 2008 2:15 am
lao su su is lidat wan

13. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 19 April 2008 9:03 am :: 
darkelfin: Yah lor, I also say!!

14. Chocolate gal left...
Sunday, 20 April 2008 4:17 pm
I guess it really depends on the individuals.. for me, i try not to join my friend if she is meeting with other people even if i do know them briefly too... cos most of the times, it will ended up with me being the outsider and just listening to their conversations, asking myself "why was I even here?"..
In his case, he probably feel so too, even though he was the host but he dont know the rest.. And he probably cant relate to the things you were discussing? Like i said, it all depends on the habits of each individual.. he is just shy like me?? :p

15. JayWalk left...
Sunday, 20 April 2008 10:06 pm :: 
Chocolate Gal: I was wrong to assuming that we are at the stage where your friends are my friends and vice versa.

And no, he is not shy and neither are you.

16. aloe left...
Monday, 21 April 2008 11:55 am ::
i'm weird... I won't invite my frens to another fren (whom they dun know) outing unless they say ok. But I dun mind if my frens invite their frens. =P I dun mind being the invited (outsider) too. So far... boh problems yet... *touch wood* There may be times where I do feel left out but those are few loh... heng!! =)

17. Chocolate gal left...
Monday, 21 April 2008 9:56 pm
Hello.. me very very shy one, okie.. dont pichar my lobang hor.. :p

18. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 22 April 2008 6:20 am :: 
aloe: Well, in all fairness, I never said I was not wrong in this instances but I would expect a carte blanc of forgiveness and waivers on account of our friendship which I obviously have misjudged.

Chocolate Gal: Too late!

19. sunflower left...
Tuesday, 22 April 2008 9:01 am
Sometimes, some ppl might not might to be....

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