It all started last Saturday in a golf tournament where I ended up 63rd out of 67. It was a low point in my golf history. Never have I played so badly in a tournament. Everything just went wrong. Even with the toughest of mental strength, it brought me to my knees, just short of crumbling mentally.I stayed on for another day to play with a couple of friends on a non-competitive basis. Granted, there was still wagering in the game, the pressure was off as this was purely recreational.
My form the next day was good and to the extend of taking all 3 other players to the cleaners. So I thought, perhaps yesterday was just a blip.
Then just today, I had a second tournament and surprise surprise, I finished dead last. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, I hit another new low today. Perhaps, the Sunday's good game was just a last gasp of air before the death of my game. It wasn't the everything-went-wrong that got to me today. It was the fact that I was mentally defeated before I even got to the end of the game.
As the old saying goes, "The best way to win a war is to kill the enemy's will to fight." I lost the war today.
While some may ask what's the big deal. I guess if I give a little background of myself, it would explain my feelings right now.
Sporting Excellence is something that I hold dear to my heart. I have been a sportsman since young. I was in the school nationals team in basketball, volleyball and table tennis during my primary school days. I even qualified to join the Junior National Squad, only to be barred by my parents from signing up, due to my sliding grades.
I continued my table tennis playing at school nationals level all the way to junior college. Even during my army days, I was training with the national squad. I finished my table tennis days when I was in the Hall team during my University days, before moving onto other stuff.
Now golf. Something that I have played for 20 years. I took my first lesson in 1986 when I was in seconday 3. I never became as good as some of my single handicap friends but it really didn't bother me to push harder because I enjoyed the game as it is. I've been playing in the local business network tournaments for the past 5 years. These past 3 years has been exceptionally good for me as I come in consistently in the Top 10 every competition.... that is until this week. What I cannot fathom is that how the fuck was I capable is playing so badly? For God's sake, I have 20 years of golf game under my belt and I am now playing as if I am back to 15 years old again. Did all the experience that I have accrued in these 20 years amount to nothing?
I must have freaked out my caddie today. He could see the dark cloud hovering over my head like a storm cloud getting ready to unleash its payload of lightning, thunder, gale and rain. To him, I was this time bomb ticking away, ready to go off anytime. The only consolation today was that I managed kept my cool right to the end and put on a brave smile. Something that I was extremely proud of and my caddie was extremely thankful for.My main problem now is that I knew that something is wrong with my game but I don't know what this "something" was. I was frustrated to no end. I tried everything that I can think of, from posture to stance to mental attitude to swing. Nothing worked. I became enslaved by the little white ball, when in fact, I should be its master. The truth to be told, I didn't enjoy the game this week. I would have been happier staying in the office.
The question for me here is where do I go from here? Is this a temporary thing or is it going to be like that forever?
I guess for now, I may take a sabbatical, away from the game. Yes, walk away. Come back later and then see how. If things remained unchanged, then perhaps it's time to call it a day on the game.
Image Credit: http://www.frustrationfreegolf.com; http://elmundomaschido.com
- Voxeros
1. a reader left...
Thursday, 24 March 2005 1:04 am
Oh come on it's just temporary. Maybe you're just rusty from lack of practice? From what I read you seem to be very good at golf last time, so you shouldn't worry too much.Merenwen
Thursday, 24 March 2005 12:54 pm
I hope you are right. I did laid off the stick and the ball for 2 months due to traveling.I don't mean to say that I played well all the time. I have my share of bad days but this week kinda took me to a new low that I have never been before.
It felt like the hapless paddler in the stormy sea.
Anyway, I am taking a break from it for now. Walk away from the game to get myself collected before approaching it again. Perhaps in the mean time, go back to the driving range and get a pro to take a relook at my swing.
Time to head back to the weights and get my conditioning back a notch.
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