14 October 2005

Deep Shit Of The Married Man

I was catching up with an old friend whom I have not contacted for over a year and it seems that he has gotten himself into another of life's pickle. It is hardly a surprise for me as he is quite the habitual "repeat offender".

What triggered the conversation topic was when he declared, "My theory is, any charbor who says that she doesn't have any emotional attachment is a liar."

Old Friend was referring his friends of the female gender who he, a married man, had gotten intimate with. Perhaps the latest buzzword for this would be "f*ck buddy"?

So he proceeded to quote me some examples.

"No, don't worry. I know you are married and I can accept that. I just want to spend time with you because I enjoy your company and I like you. Just call me when you are free and we can meet up. If we end up having sex then so be it."

That he said, was Stage 1 of the Deep Shit.

Over here, he explained that the woman here is giving the impression of nonchalance. Offering a deal with no string attached to entice the man into it. As much as we joke about men thinking only with his Southern Compass, the man is really not as dumb as he appears to be. He will weigh the pros and cons of this. What's in it for him? What are the stakes? Can he pull it off? etc. Hence the "no strings attached" offer tabled by the woman.

"Are you free tonight? No? Spending time with your wife? Oh... I was really looking forward to meeting you. It's ok, wife's more important. Let's meet another time then. Miss you."


Stage 2 Of The Deep Shit: This is when the woman raise the nonchalant card to an upper echelon. Acknowledging the existence of the wife head on, is like the big fat bait at the end of the hook.

"Why are you always not free? Are you avoiding me? I set my time aside especially for you, DO YOU KNOW THAT? I know I said earlier you can meet me when you have time but make an effort lah!"


Stage 3 Of The Deep Shit: By now, the man would have taken the hook, line and sinker and the woman is starting to reel him in.

"I want to see you now, do you UNDERSTAND!!!!!!I don't care what I said before!!!!I miss you!! I want to see you!! Do you know that I LOVE YOU???!!"

Stage 4 Of The Deep Shit: Like an ensnared bear, the trap has gotten the man good. There will be the great struggle and unless the guy is strong and smart, there is virtually no way out when he is stupid enough to get this far. It will take the proverbial "chewing off own leg" in order to free himself. By then, the damage would have been pretty extensive.

"I left my husband just now. I am at your carpark downstairs.


"I am pregnant. I am on my way over."

Stage 5 Of The Deep Shit: The ang mohs will describe this stage as the shit hitting the fan, while the rest of us can easily sum it up in two words. Hong Kan.

Just to add, the quotes from Stage 1 to 4 were from Old Friend's various women over the years. I made up the Stage 5 quote, just to illustrate where this is heading.

While in no way am I, at any time here, intend to sound holier than thou, I just want to advise the following:

1) Don't Start What You Can't Finish.

2) A Person Is Only A Thief When He Is Caught.

3) Don't Do The Crime If You Can't Do The Time.

- Voxeros

1. mihutang left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 2:14 pm
most man knows it. but still getting into trouble. *sigh* the heart is not willing, but the flesh is weak.

2. zeenie left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 2:19 pm
"Southern Compass" i love that one, also appreciate your insightful advice on these really really tricky situations! I think i read with mirth on FinickyFeline's blog that she had a few conditions for her man. He wipes his mouth after stealing the milk and he never ever brings the cow home. LOL.

3. JayWalk left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 3:46 pm :: 
mihuatang: And hence the Engrish phrase "Never Die Before."

zeenie: And hence the Ch1nese phrase "只许堂食,不可打包".

4. Pam left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 4:18 pm
f*ck buddy is not equivalent to the type of women you describe. because the f*ck buddy is the male or female in a sexual relationship who only wants that, sex. the type of women you've described are women who want to be in relationships, have emotional attachments but approach it in a less conventional manner (ie, going for the attached partner), as opposed to seeking attachment and relationship with an available person. JMHO.

5. Sheena left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 4:52 pm
If my husband ever met any of these stages (touch wood!), I'd march right up to the woman and slap her. She knew the guy was married, and she decided to seduce him. Then the problem is one of her own making. It's not like my husband went to her and started rubbing his crotch in her face.

Some people might argue that it takes two to clap, but if the 'other woman' hadn't set her sights on a married man in the first place nothing would have happened. Of course, if it's the married guy who set out to seduce another woman first, he ought to hang by his balls. No, the hair on his balls.

6. JayWalk left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 5:12 pm :: 
Pam: Ahh.. but thou hath not peruse my blog with due rigor, fair maiden of poor eyesight.
As I mentioned in the blog, the woman would initially indicate the absence of the emotional price tag so as not to scare away the man. Hence the definition of a f*ckbuddy at that point in time, was in line there.

7. nadnut left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 5:37 pm ::
tsk tsk.
shameless woman. lusty wolf. bad combo.

8. JayWalk left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 5:37 pm :: 
Sheena: Tsk, tsk. You are assuming you would get to find out about it. How very naive!
I would be one of those who would argue that it takes 2 hands to clap coz in real life, not everything is as clear cut in black & white where one is the seducer and the other the seduced. Sekali this is a mutual affair?

So what if one party knew that the other is married? As long as one party is unwilling, the clap will never take place.
Just my $0.02

9. Pam left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 5:41 pm
very true very true. but at that point the woman is then deceiving herself more than deceiving married man.

10. JayWalk left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 5:42 pm ::
nadnut: Tsk, tsk...
Nut woman, Red Bull. Hmm..... :P

11. nadnut left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 5:46 pm ::
simi nut woman and red bull?!?! boooooo. btw, got msn? ;)

12. JayWalk left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 5:51 pm :: 
nadnut: Yah. I am at

13. Lynne left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 8:30 pm
Sounds more like "friends with french benefits" ... but I think the woman will eventually want the man to herself. Never, never, never trust a woman when she says she doesn't want emotional ties, load of crap!! ;)

14. Pam left...
Friday, 14 October 2005 8:35 pm
not trying to be devil's advocate, but is there such a thing as a man wanting emotional ties too? it seems like the woman is painted (not just in this blog and the comments here but in general) as someone who wants or craves emotional ties and attachments and the man as the heartless bastard who tricks her into having an affair etc. how about the other way round.....?? or is that too strange a thought to think?

15. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 15 October 2005 12:33 am ::
Lynne: "French" benefits? *raised eyebrow*
If I ever get myself into this, my one and only solution is RUN FOR THE HILLS!!! :P

Pam: True true, this can go both ways gender-wise but in this particular case with Old Friend, it is the woman who is the seducer (or so he claims).
The way I see it, this type of thing always two hand to clap one lah.

16. akk left...
Saturday, 15 October 2005 1:15 am
I believe that some ppl view married men or women as 'safer' ppl to make frens with and get closer with, always with the thought that becos she/he is married, there is an imaginery barrier to safeguard attraction due to morality/ethics/blah/blah. Of cos not talking about who seduce whom or who deliberately seducing the other. but even for normal ppl, who dun have any agenda at all, may actually be tempted or excited into adultery.
in the end, it won't matter who is at fault. all got thumb in the pie.

17. Vandice left...
Saturday, 15 October 2005 1:31 am ::
Hey bro, a man's not a thief until he's caught??? Heh, you're advocating the sowing of wild (or issit cultivated) oats? Hmmm, tt I have to disagree bro...

18. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 15 October 2005 9:11 am :: 
Akk: On the flip side, it may also mean that being married means that the party will not be motivated to ruin status quo and attempt to take this "relationship" to the next level and hence complicating and making a mess of things.

A committed partner may mean that he/she also have just as big a collateral damage in the event of an affair gone sour. Hence, the false sense of security that messiness is being held at bay by the prospect of that proverbial mega mother-of-gawd huge piece of turd hitting the ceiling fan.

Vandice: I knew that one was going to bite me in the proverbial ass but I didn't expect it to come in so late in the thread of comments.

I may have deliberately include that one line, but it may or may not represent my stance on this. I am just being non-judgmental.

Here's my message to one and all. Be it right or wrong, I am in no position to say anything. I believe that we should be the one to decide on our own individual paths without other people telling us how to live our lives. After all, be it right or wrong, we have only ourselves to answer to.

Just like your disagreement here. Don't expect me to tell you if you are right or wrong. It is not my place to judge. It is your opinion and you have stated it loud and clear. I accept and respect it. Period.

19. mihuatang left...
Saturday, 15 October 2005 3:21 pm
干柴烈火situation...very dangerous!

20. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 15 October 2005 4:09 pm :: 
mihuatang: You speaking from experience?

21. 9 left...
Sunday, 16 October 2005 9:15 pm ::
interesting...things people out there would always want to do, but never admit. Haaa

22. JayWalk left...
Sunday, 16 October 2005 10:23 pm ::
Ah 9: For most of them, it is more likely the curiosity and novelty of the whole idea.
Personally, I think it is wiser to just leave the curiosity unfulfilled.

Coz when the shit hits the ceiling, it will be one helluva mess to have to clean up. Really not worth the trouble.

I certainly can't afford the stakes.

23. Jayaxe left...
Monday, 17 October 2005 7:34 am
I must say I learnt something from that. Learnt to siam when it's still early! Hahahah.
But seriously, all these happened in China, huh?

24. JayWalk left...
Monday, 17 October 2005 7:41 am ::
Jayaxe: As far as this particular friend is concerned, it happened in Singapore.
Over here in my part of Ch1na, you have less of such cases. Generally, when women are more financially independent as in the cases of Singapore women, they think more for themselves and would pursue aggressively whatever they think would make them happy.
I guess it is that same with women of all modern cities and in the case of Ch1na, it would ShangHa1, Be1jing, etc....

25. mihuatang left...
Monday, 17 October 2005 9:27 am
experience? no lah, i very guai one!

26. JayWalk left...
Monday, 17 October 2005 10:47 am ::
mihuatang: Sure. *cough* I *cough* believe *cough cough* you.

27. mihuatang left...
Monday, 17 October 2005 11:35 am
you are EVIL!

28. JayWalk left...
Monday, 17 October 2005 12:47 pm ::
mihuatang: MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Thank you. *ahem*

29. putitthisway left...
Tuesday, 18 October 2005 8:49 pm ::
That was a pretty good look at how man can get into shit loads of trouble....and guess what.. I actually know of someone like that in real life....

30. vanna left...
Wednesday, 19 October 2005 12:06 am
am i too late to add in my bit of comments?
Aiyah, whether married or dating, it's almost the same process.. hahahaha.. esp when there's betrayal..
u noe what I mean?

31. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 19 October 2005 12:21 am ::
putitthisway: I think we can tell from here that this is something very very common and also thin ice that we can easily fall through if we do not tread carefully.
Look where you are going.

Vanna: It is never too late to add any comment anywhere. You can be assured there will be a response from me, if I am not left speechless. that is. :)

This type of thing always hurt. One minute you are the world to her/him, the next moment, you are dropped like a hot potato and no longer "flavour of the day".

32. Zhe Bin left...
Wednesday, 19 October 2005 5:26 am
Do you still have mini-series? I love reading your series. I like to listen to stories. = )
(This is very random)

33. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 19 October 2005 7:31 am ::
ZheBin: Acherly, I have but I am taking break from it all for a while. I am thinking of doing a Disaster Girlfriend Series next. akan datang.

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