25 September 2005

J-Files Case# 802.11a - Operation Burgundy Buffalo (Part 1)

Secret Location: HMT, 23 Sep 2005 1530 ZULU

It was a balmy summer afternoon when the courier dropped off a wireless PDA at my desk. On it was a cryptic message.

> The witch bitch has a twitch itch in her snitch.

To which I key-in the reply:

> The meek deek has the cheek to sneak peek the creek.

Next the screen cleared only to be replaced with the confirmation message.


> Assignment: Approved and In Progress.

> Agent Status: Re-activated and Verified.

> Ops Code: Burgundy Buffalo

> Ops Brief: Burgundy Buffalo's calibration has in recent weeks, exhibited an unusual anomaly in the spectral readings.

> Ops Objective: Investigation and rectification.

> *** END OF MESSAGE ***

The word "re-activated" means that I am back on active duty nominal roll.

My name is no longer JayWalk.

I am Agent-J of the Global Investigations Legion Attaché (G.I.L.A)

Without hesitation, I got my flight arrangement all settled with the help of Agent T.A.G.* and I was ready to roll.

Secret Location : CAN, 25 Sep 2005 1430 ZULU

Reached the airport under heavy police escort smoothly in slightly over an hour. Our directive to stay low profile was shot to bits with the escorts flashing their lights and blaring their sirens all through the highway. Then again, maybe over here in Ch1na, getting all the police lights blazing and sirens blaring IS BLENDING INTO THE ENVIRONMENT. Oh well...

I checked in with the G.I.L.A Briefing Centre and was met by the local agent holding my Assignment Docket.

Agent-P.M.B.: Good afternoon, Sir. I am Agent-P.M.B.** and I am your Point-man at CAN. Shall we proceed?

Agent-J: Hang on a minute, less do this outside.

Agent-P.M.B.: Sir, I can assured you that we are in the secure area. We have cleared the area and we are swept of all bugs. Do you suspect otherwise?

Agent-J: No. I prefer to take this outside in the open.

Agent-P.M.B.: Why is that, Sir?

Agent-J: Lim Peh need to sio hoon kee.

Agent-P.M.B.: -_-"

Once we stepped outside, I fished out two pieces of green film and stuck one on the roof of my mouth and one on my tongue, before reaching for my pack of Mild Seven and lighter. I lit up with ease while Agent-P.M.B. was struggling with the strong winds outside.

Agent-P.M.B.: What are the 2 films that you stick into your mouth and what high-tech lighter are you using that allows you to overcome the strong winds?

Agent-J: This is the Olafactory Atmospheric Detoxifier Film and this is a Palm Bunsen.

Agent-P.M.B.: Ola-what? Palm-what?

Agent-J: Listerine Breath Strip and wind proof lighter lah.

: -_-"

I offered two strips and my lighter to the obviously floored-with-awe colleague who thus experienced what is known as the "Super Menthol" hoon kee.

At about this time, another junior agent appeared with my access cards*** and my check-in process was completed. I decided we continue this briefing at the Command Centre****. My personnel carrier***** took us all the way through security and I had quite a bit of problem with the X-Rays as airport security was visibly concerned with all the electronics that I am carrying with me. It wasn't before I said the secret password, "Jee Gey Yarn", that they decided to clear me through.

I arrived at the Command Centre and due to the recent unrests all over the world, access security was raised several notch. I had to submit my DNA sample (picture left) and a biometric palm scan (picture right below) before I was given the clearance to entry.

After the briefing, I proceeded to make my way to our private jet. Our tRUSTY MD-82 was in bad but operational shape. The tatters of the door-sealing trim was fluttering to the dance of the winds while I could see that the pilot has decided to make do with newspapers as window shades. Sigh.... bladdy Top Brass upstairs probably dropped the ball on our annual defense budget again. Haiz....

As I boarded the aircraft, I was pleased, while at the same time peeved, to discover that my reputation has far preceded me.

An Agent-Under-New-Training-Initiative-(Entry-level) (A.U.N.T.I.E.) was assigned to sit next to me. Probably HQ's subtle way of telling me to keep my hands to myself. Nah beh.... I was so hoping to get a Senior-Liaison-Under-Training (S.L.U.T.). Now wouldn't that brighten things a little bit. No?

5-minutes into take-off and AUNTIE was really showing signs of an entry-level agent as she reached for the air-sickness bag, putting it on stand-by. I hope she pulls through. I really do. I REALLY REALLY do.

It was a three-hour flight and I was glad to arrive without incident. AUNTIE made it without the air-sickness bag. I think I was more happy than she was relieved.

Secret Location : SJW, 25 Sep 2005 1920 ZULU

I was met with Agent AP1 and Agent AP2 ****** who whisked me away from the airport into the darkness....

... Click here to proceed to Part 2.

* T.A.G. = Travel Agent Girl
** P.M.B. = Print My Boarding-Pass
*** Access Cards = Boarding-Pass and Lounge Invitation
**** Command Centre = VIP Lounge
***** Personnel Carrier = Airport Buggy
****** AP = Ah Pui

- Voxeros

1. chendeneng left...
Monday, 26 September 2005 11:19 am
simi lai-eh
machiam like reading "the secret life of walter mitty"

2. zeenie left...
Monday, 26 September 2005 1:59 pm
nice..... can't wait for the next part(s)!

3. akk left...
Monday, 26 September 2005 5:51 pm
hopes for SLUTs dashed....pity... :)

4. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 27 September 2005 12:56 am :: 
Chen Deneng: Read on lah... so kancheong?

Zeenie: I think I will do the blog tomorrow. Too damn tired to do it today.

Akk: Yah lor.... I also say.... :P

5. vanna left...
Tuesday, 27 September 2005 10:20 pm
u very creative hor.. hahahaha
see already want to laff

6. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 27 September 2005 10:46 pm ::
Vanna: Heh heh... glad you enjoyed it. Stay tuned for Part 2 and more.

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