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05 November 2007

I Want To Ride My Bicycle

Well, this entry is not about the song by Queen. Instead, I am talking about the recent article on British newspaper, The Telegraph (web edition dated 31 Oct 2007), that I chanced upon an article about a man charged in court for trying to have sex with his bicycle.

Yes.

Bicycle.

HOW THE F*CK (no pun intended) DOES ONE HAVE SEX WITH A BICYCLE??!!
It got me up (again no pun intended) all night trying to figure out how to screw (what is with all the puns?!!) a bicycle?

Doggie style? Reverse cowbike? Helicopter?!!
Er.... coming from the perspective of a guy hor, where do you stick it in ah?

I can see it in the headlines now if this were to take off like donuts in Singapore (at least donut got hole)...
"Man Castrated From Severe Bicycle Laceration"

"... 'I was trying to change gears when I kena kiap by the chain.' Cried victim."

On another note, here's the other thing that baffles me. The guy was caught in the privacy of his own room which by the way, was locked.

Hello? Privacy? Hello? Hello?

Yes, it was a bit on the perv side but at least it was done behind locked door and not out in the public like maybe the Singapore Triathlon? Ooo..... mass bicycle orgy there......

So imagine the guy thinking, "I get busted for "loving" my bicycle when you ladies break into my room without consent, and I am the bad guy?"

I think the 2 cleaning aunties confirm must be sour grapes case lah. Imagine a guy would rather do it with a bicycle than a possible three-some tandem with the two of them. If I were one of the two aunties hor, I will also du lan one lor.

Anyway, I will never listen to Anita Ward's You Can Ring My Bell the same ever again. I will also never read mrbrown's bicycle blog the same ever again.

I am damaged goods now.

News Link: The Telegraph (31 Oct 2007) - Man Who Had Sex With Bicycle In Court.

Image Credit: http://www.savingadvice.com
- Voxeros

1. aloe left...
Monday, 5 November 2007 11:17 am
arh duh! How to do it with a bicycle? Got *ahem* hole *cough* meh? Got friction meh? got PLEASURE meh? And becoming a sex offender cos of this... poor thing leh...
Reading the article.... How the H*ll does one do it with PAVEMENTS?!
*faint*


2. Red Queen left...
Monday, 5 November 2007 4:06 pm
Proof that men would do anything to get a screw..... and MEN would screw anything Animated or Inanimated...


3. JayWalk left...
Monday, 5 November 2007 6:38 pm :: 
Aloe: I have been pondering over the very same question myself for the longest time.

Red Queen: I think the game is pretty even among the sexes when it comes to screwing inanimate objects (getting screwed from the female perspective). Dildo anyone?


4. hiaoauntie left...
Tuesday, 6 November 2007 12:08 am
i think the bicycle f his backside coz i can't figure any other way out (or in, pun intended)


5. hiaoauntie left...
Tuesday, 6 November 2007 12:16 am
hey, i used to like that song Ring My Bell... my schoolmate changed the lyrics and she sang and did an interesting dance "you can press my buzzer, buzzer, buzzer, press my buzzer......." and she really pressed her buzzer (tits) as she sang... hehe she was quite a comedian (i was like that siao too during school days)


6. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 6 November 2007 11:19 am :: 
HiaoAuntie: Please tell me which school is that. I am soooo not going to send Faith there.


7. hiaoauntie left...
Tuesday, 6 November 2007 9:06 pm
my school good wat??!!! you dun agree???? we were veri fun-loving and crazy.....and that was not all.... one day this same schoolmate found a pail and a mop in the school toilet and proceeded to act and sing like Carol Burnett in The Carol Burnett Show, a comedy show.... i dunno if you remember this show, in the closing act on every show, Carol Burnett would appear at the end as a dirty, drag woman with a pail and a mop and start mopping up after everybody was gone... well, one day (i wasn't there) this girl was doing the Carol Burnett act and skipping class and the teacher came to look for her and caught her.... siao liao.... okie i digress, this has nothing to do with bicycles


8. Chocolate gal left...
Tuesday, 6 November 2007 11:16 pm
I think i got to agree with hiaoauntie that he must have use the handle for the s** aspect... Or imagining that the bicycle is a sexy babe? I am really really speechless by this news.... >_<


9. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 7 November 2007 1:54 am :: 
HiaoAuntie: I never say no good what.... ok ok.. no good for Faith but good for me. buahahaha...

Would you believe that while I know the Carol Burnett Show, I have never watched it? I wasn't allowed to watch TV when I was kid except weekends.

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