27 June 2005

What a Girl Wants II

As some of you may be aware, I just returned for a golfing tournament weekend. However, rather than to bore you how the game went (which by the way, I sucked), I would like to talk about an interesting observation that I have made over last couple of days. This is perhaps a continuation to my earlier blog with the only difference that I am talking about the local girls (instead of those back home) here.

First stop, let me just clear something up just so that you get the right picture. Maybe the word "tournament" sounded a little too big a word here as some of you may start associating with those mega-scaled PGA tournaments. Here, the tournament refers to a group of people, from the business community, getting together in the form of a monthly golf tournament. So wipe off the images of those big big cardboard cheques that says "US$ 1,000,000.00" on the front of it. Over here small small only lah with a proportionately-sized trophy to boot as well. A tournament consists of roughly 60 to 100 people each and many, likely myself, are members, straddling across a few of them. By the way, most of us sucked at the game, which made it so fun to begin with.

Anyway, coming back to this last tournament. It was a 2D1N thing, out of town, as a fresh novel break away from the usual courses in the vicinity. Being a very informal setting, we have some fellow members bringing their wives and kids along as a family outing and there are other members who brought along their girlfriends.

Here's the thing that intrigued me. The girlfriends. These are the young local girls that some of the guys bring along for the weekend. No surprises that they are all young (18?) and pretty. And yes, some of these guys are married men. Back in the early days, there were still whispers and finger waggings behind their backs but now, it is very much a "no-big-deal" kind of attitude towards it. These days, showing up with a young girl in tow doesn't bother anybody anymore. We are all somehow numbed to it already.

This time round, there were about 6 such couples out of 65 people who went in 2 buses. All but one of these young girls were new faces to me. The odd one, I've met a few months before and thankfully, it was with the same guy too.

As we reached the golf course and alighted to proceed to get ready to start the tournament, the ladies would make a beeline for the lobby together to have tea and chat. I am sure these girls have never met each other before but you can't really tell at first glance as they seemed to be chatting like they have been friends for many years. I would think that their "common denominator" bonded them instantly?

So there I was, at the dinner of the final day, sharing a table with two of the couples. Both girls are probably 20 years old, give and take a year. Interesting to note is that both girls behaved very differently. Girl A was girlfriend to a guy in his early 40s while Girl B was with an older man around the age of 50+. Girl A, whom I guessed to be around 19 years of age, was obviously very new to this as she stayed silent througout the dinner with the occasional cordial smiles in between. Girl B, whom I think is about a year older, was a very different person altogether. She was confident and very chatty. You could tell that she was no stranger to this and could look you right in the eye as opposed to the quiet quiet sheepish types that tend to shirk into a quiet corner. At the dinner, I was quietly blogging this in my head. I wondered if they knew what I was thinking during dinner.

Point to note here is that I don't mean, in any way, that they are below us and that they don't belong. On contrary, I personally feel that we should welcome anyone who has taken the time to join us for our activities. I firmly believe that a guest, after all, is a guest. Regardless.

Is it morally wrong? It is not for me to judge. Like my favourite hokkien phrase, "Bor wah eh tai jee". I mean if the guy is willing to face the consequences of being involved in an affair, then why do I care? After all, I am just a bloke drinking his own beer, who just happened to be sharing a table at dinner.

I wonder if I would meet them again during the next tournament or will there be fresh introductions of new girfriends all over again?

p.s. Owing to the nature of the topic and the people in it, I wonder if it warrants a password protection? I am more inclined to think otherwise, coz all parties are protected and I am just a bystander.
- Voxeros

1. milktea left...
Tuesday, 28 June 2005 10:33 am
as a girl, i would personally feel bad for the wives and i wouldn't want to be friends with girls like them as judgemental as it may sound.
2. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:35 pm :: 
milktea: I know where you are coming from but for me, I tend to stay away and not get involved.

However, if they talk to you, it is kinda rude to ignore them lor.
3. whateverstreet left...
Tuesday, 28 June 2005 2:24 pm ::
dunno leh, i dislike them for their money-grubbing ways. yet,actually feel kind of sorry for them cos it's one of their society's ills.

conflicting emotions regarding this.
4. ei|een left...
Tuesday, 28 June 2005 5:00 pm ::
hmm. i agree that this "phenomenon" is becoming more and more prevalent nowadays. especially in certain cultures. one of the (side) effects of increasing affluency in modern society? perhaps.

i think the "not my problem" attitude, to a certain extent, is probably the safest route to take, albeit it may or may not be morally "correct". morals differ for everyone. we can only speak for ourselves and aspire to live up to our own morals and principals.

that said, the other side of the argument is - is being "bo chup" morally, or ethically "correct"? of course, this issue can be argued to hell and back, and people will still argue it.
and as much as i try not to judge people, and as much as i try to respect other people's thinkings and morals, no matter how "wrong" they seem to me, i inevitably DO end up doing it at times. but at the end of the day, i always try to calm down and tell myself that its their life, not mine.

the dilemma, i suppose, comes in when you know both parties involved and on a close personal level. ie. you know both the husband, and the wife. and either party is "flinging" on the side. what do you do then? tell, or don't tell. again, this issue has been argued forever.

personally, as a female, and as someone that has been on ALL sides of the fence (third party and been cheated on) - i have reached a point where i simply hate to be caught in between. so when such things happen, i only say something if i truly care too deeply for my friend and i know he/she can accept what i say.

but i always tell my friends, my advice is just words. whatever you wanna do, just do it. because i know that sometimes, it is hard to follow advice when your heart tells you to just go full steam ahead. and i tell them i won't blame you, because i understand how it feels. no matter what happens, i will always be here, good or bad. its your life. YOU live it. i am purely support staff. i can NEVER live your life for you, nor should i EVER make your decisions for you. no one else can, except YOU.

oh, and personally, after everything i've experienced, i absolutely detest unfaithfulness. but i accept it as a facet of life. it won't go away. so i just have to choose not to condone it and not to practise it. i cannot change the world's mindsets.

my goodness! this is only damn long comment! i'm sorry, jay! just that i feel pretty strongly about this issue.

thanks for writing about this and giving me a chance to air my thoughts. i really needed to "unburden" myself, so this is just in the nick of time! :)
5. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 28 June 2005 5:57 pm :: 
whateverstreet: I cite to you the example of Rahab from the Old Testament. She was a prostitute whom God eventually forgave . What that tells us is that we are all equal udner God. So I tell myself not to judge other people, regardless.

My take on the situation is to stay out of the way and let God sort them out at the end of the day.

E|leen: Please don't apologise as I am more than delighted to get such a long comment. The length of it is just you putting quite a bit of thought into it.

You are right in the sense that we, more often than not, have our hands tied behind our backs, so ironically the best way to handle this is to do nothing.

I have gotten myself into situations where I was trying to be helpful by getting myself involved only to be branded as a busybody who aggravated the situation more. Getting in between a crossfire is a stupid thing. Volunteer to get in between a crossfire is a stupid person.

p.s. Like I said was really glad to hear from you. I got total silence with the occasional cricket chirps when I hit the publish button for this blog. I was thinking "oh dear", if I had just written something too heavy. Glad to hear from you.
6. AKK left...
Tuesday, 28 June 2005 6:25 pm
I tend to take your stand on this. that is, to be a bystander, because seriously when i try to help or advise, ppl might take it badly. afterall, they already know they are doing something wrong. Since they did it, they obviously will not take kindly to criticism or uppity advice. on the other hand, if they are my good frens or my good frens are the one being cheated...i've got to do something...
7. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 28 June 2005 7:00 pm :: 
AKK: It's true when those who are involved and caught inside will never be able (or even want *la la la la la*) to hear what we, on the outside, with a clearer perspective, have to say.

As friends, the most we can do is to just be there to help pick up the pieces when they fall back down on the ground.
8. anna left...
Wednesday, 29 June 2005 12:35 am
Yeah, first impression, we would usually think of them as money-grubbing, but given the poverty they once were in, it's no surprises why this behaviour. It's sad of course. But I would say, since there is demand (all those men), why not supply? Well, not that I would provide any.
9. vandice left...
Wednesday, 29 June 2005 2:57 am
They're human too. It's the guys we should look down on lah (I mean those married ones). How can they do this to their loved ones, esp. the wife? Can they look their wives in the eye and say "I'm not fooling around?" Girls wise, I dunno if its bcos they're gullible (cos they're very young), forced by circumstances (financially), amoral/immoral (today's cash is king mentality) or just out for some fun/thrill. That said, it's still wrong to do so. For me, one is more than enough woman for me to handle. Tiring ok, PMS, mood swings and all...
10. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 29 June 2005 7:16 am ::
anna: There is actually 2 ways of looking at this. I agree that most of these girls come from very poor backgrounds and that they often need to send a big portion of their earnings back to support their family back home. 

However, I see 2 types of them. Those who earn an honest living like the caddies, waitresses, factory workers etc.. And then there are the ones who want the easy way of fast cash. 

You are right, this is a two-way street of supply and demand. 

vandice: I need to pull you back a little here before all the blame gets dumped onto the guys. Like I said earlier to anna, it takes two hands to clap. 

Girls-wise, let me continue from where I left off earlier. From my observation, the majority of them are in there for the fast money. What the factory girl earn in a month, they can earn in a day. So imagine working 21 days (less big auntie) per month, the girl essentially earns almost 2 years' of pay in a single month. 

However, you think that they will stop after that? No, money is an addiction, they will continue to crave for more as their lifestyle changed. They start to have latent needs of luxury stuff which means that they want to keep doing this to keep up their comfortable lifestyle. 

It's a case of once you have tasted the "good stuff", you never want to give it up and go back.

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