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10 January 2006

5 Weird Things (Part 2) - Beer, Wine and Champagne

People usually use a spirit's alcohol content (%) as a measure of its potency. From the mild 5% in beer, to 12% in wine, to 20% in sake, to 40% in regular house pours, to 60% in the hardcore ch1nese spirits.

So by right, the higher the alcohol content that easier to knock you out. Yes? No?

Not necessarily so for my case as I learned from all my experience of making a fool out of myself. I learned that beer, wine and champagne "kills" me the fastest, regardless of their alcohol content. At the same time, I find myself "immune" to gin and rum.

T'was one Christmas in the year of 1997 when I was supposed to pick up my dad from the airport due to arrive at midnight. The original plan was to go for the Christmas Eve dinner and then head to the airport after that. Alas, champagne was free flowing and I found myself passed out before the stroke of midnight. My dad was left stranded at the airport and had to take a cab home. He didn't speak to me for the whole of Christmas Day. Oops.

Also, the story of Loong who was supposedly  knife-gun-no-entry (刀枪不入) as far as drinking is concerned. At the age when we cannot afford drinks by the bottle, the range of drinks (for guys) when we go partying is quite limited. If it is not Bourbon Coke, it would be Barcardi Coke, Whiskey Coke, Long Island and.... er... bor liao.

So our hero, Loong, has always been the champion drinker until that one fateful day when somebody smuggled in a bottle of gin. Yes, it was like Superman meeting his Kryptonite for the very first time. We adjourned to the food centre at Pasir Panjang (where 88 Seafood Palace used to be) for supper when Loong fell off his stool and laid flat on the dirty floor while singing "Mary Had A Little Lamb". Ahh... the bliss of the filthy little sot.

Anyway, I was out at a pub last Saturday night with a bunch of friends. It was supposed to be night to just chill. Shoot some pool, wager on a game of darts while sipping our Scotch on a nippy 5-degree night. Then we have this one girl who keep jio-ing everybody to "bottoms-up". Needless to say, she was the first one to "prematurely buang" and I had to dispatch my chauffeur to send her back first, while the rest of us continue. We didn't even drink a lot that night. Just 3 guys, 4 gals and 2 bottles Black Label niah.

I mean if everybody cheong together and all get drunk, that's fine lor. But here we had just one single casualty and the irony of it all was that it was self-inflicted. Sigh....

My chauffeur came back for me at 1am and was bitching all the way back about how he had to piggyback the charbor all the way up to the 3rd floor. Oh well...

I guess the secret to being champion drinker is to

1) Pace Yourself
Unless the occasion is one of piah jiu, than bor bian lah. This would be Deathmatch in the Cage where it would take raw power to tahan the onslaught. Otherwise, drink within your own means. Drink slowly also. Especially for the guy, know when to stop and don't be afraid to call time-out (unless you are drinking with your Encik in the army, then die die also must continue drinking).

Good friends may taunt and goad you for the fun of it but will stop if they realised that you are serious about the time-out. So don't worry being a party-pooper by saying "No". If they are friends at all, they will understand.

2) Stay Active.
Go to the dance floor and work it off. Keep a conversation going so as to keep yourself mentally alert. The people who passed out are those who were left in a corner. Inactivity inhibits the dissipating of the alcohol. That's why, the moment I get into a car, I zzzzzzzzzzzzz........

In all, always observe the golden rule. Don't drink and drive.

- Voxeros

1. Jaschocolate left...
Monday, 9 January 2006 9:51 pm
As i recall, you broke the golden rule already.. with beer some more...


2. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 12:29 am :: 
Jaschocolate: I got moderate the amount I was drinking lah, especially when I was driving that night.


3. Jaschocolate left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 1:01 am
hahaha.. okay loh.. i accept your reasoning :p


4. Lynne left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 2:45 am
Ask your knife-gun-no-entry friend to try Everclear, 200 proof = 99.9% alcohol. I use it to light up my apartment, no kidding!


5. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 8:56 am ::
Jaschocolate: You did get home safely, didn't you? Tell you a secret, acherly hor, I think AKK kee siao that night after you left.

After dropping you off, she was giving me directions to her place. She said to follow the MRT track and we ended up back in Bukit Batok. *facepalm*

Lynne: I google this Everclear thing that you mentioned. HOLY COW!!! You can even use this to perform surgery!!! I think you pour this thing into a car, you can actually drive the bladdy thing!!!

Anyway, I found a bartender's site for Everclear and am most tickled by some of the cocktails names:
Brown Eye Opener <- This is the most hilarious!
El Bastardo
Epidural
The Antichrist


6. winter left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 1:22 pm
rule number 1 of Secret Agents :
never mentioned wat will make you weak because Agent 66 will scribble notes & try to make u drunk
heeeeheeee


7. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 2:10 pm :: 
winter: I would like to see you try. For all you know, I just pretend pretend as a decoy.
Wanna try your luck? Call my bluff if you dare.


8. winter left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 2:18 pm
i dareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
not..
heh
i not as old bird as u in drinking.. so no need to try tat hard.. haha.. i prefer another char bo to aim
:P


9. mht left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 3:04 pm
me think it depends on one's body make-up. some can drink tons of hard liquor like a cow and nothing happen but the same guy will KO after two glasses of beer!
also your mood and the company you are with do affect your threshold for the night.


10. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 4:45 pm ::
winter: Looks like you very determined about it. I damn scared for Jaschocolate.... NOT!

mht: Oy! Hor seh bor? Happy New Year. Long time no see you liao. Zhao kee tor lor?
You are right about the various factors affecting the person's threshold. Problem is sometimes we don't know what our threshold is for the night until it's too late. Sigh.....


11. akk left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 6:20 pm
oy...put disclaimer leh...all under 16 don't try siah...hahaha...


12. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 8:13 pm :: 
akk: Er... what's going to happen to the under-16s?


13. jaschocolate left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 9:51 pm
You not scared for me.. But i am.. Damn wicked scared.. sob sob..


14. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 11:22 pm ::
Jaschocolate: Good luck. I shall volunteer to carry your limp body back home.
<Note to self> Bring extra plastic bags.


15. jaschocolate left...
Wednesday, 11 January 2006 12:41 am
yes yes, you should.. i remember that time i vomited in the bus.. NO PLASTIC BAG.. there is definitely a poor 'someone' who had to clean up my mess.. muahaha.. and no, i was not drunk, just bus sick...


16. Zhe Bin left...
Wednesday, 11 January 2006 8:03 am
Yeah drinking maciam running lor. Need to have stamina and practice. After a long absence go drink surely easy to tan-kup.


17. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 11 January 2006 10:02 am ::
Jaschocolate: That reminds me of one evening during my Army days, when we were on the bus going back to camp from the NCO Club at Beach Road (opp Raffles Hotel).
I sit by the window at the last row. This buddy Jin was in front of me. Quite drunk liao. Then he puked out of the bus windows but the wind blew the puke back to my window and I kena!! WTF!!
Haiz....

ZheBin: So... have you been training? :P


18. mht left...
Wednesday, 11 January 2006 10:25 am
still alive and kicking lah.
did not comment does not mean i am not around.(just lurking). sometimes if got nothing to say, better zip my mouth and just read lor.
as for new year...(at my age) not much meaning liao. life just goes on. only new thing is my kid son is in primary 1 (stress for the parents begins here). haha!


19. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 11 January 2006 1:43 pm ::
mht: Good luck with the kid! Anyway, glad to know that you're still around. Cheers.


20. aloe left...
Wednesday, 11 January 2006 3:34 pm
Note to Jay: bring extra air fresheners, water and tissue too in case the person-in-question missed the bag....
LOL!!!!!


21. aloe left...
Wednesday, 11 January 2006 3:55 pm
btw, BM having sale again for their 3,5 and 7 series. That's cos they need to use the cars to chauffeur guests for the Asia Aerospace and another big event. So after the event, the owners of the new cars can take the cars liao. they say that the disc would be around $10K in today's Street Times as per the previous year.
For anyone who's interested. :D


22. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 11 January 2006 5:18 pm :: 
Anna: Good point. Don't forget newspapers to line the entire inside of the car. Or tied a NTUC plastic bag around the neck like a bib lor.
Or I get my daughter's bib with a little trough at the bottom to collect all the spillage. :P


23. Jaschocolate left...
Wednesday, 11 January 2006 11:07 pm
Dot dot dot.. i scared your daughter will miss her bib..


24. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 11 January 2006 11:42 pm ::
Jaschocolate: Won't miss lah. The puke will first kena your hair then swee swee trail down into the bib one. No scared!


25. aloe left...
Thursday, 12 January 2006 2:22 pm
oh yah... that time my taiwan 叔叔 brought in a bottle of their 高粱酒. I can't remember what's the alcohol content liao, but I drink one small cup only, whole body hot le. This Everclear thing, I dun think I even wanna try. =S


26. JayWalk left...
Thursday, 12 January 2006 3:24 pm ::
Anna: Whole body HOT le??!!!?
Oh man.... I have to sooooo get my head out of the sewers.... :P


27. hitomi left...
Thursday, 12 January 2006 7:35 pm
So far heng heng never gotten drunk before cos I belong to the first category of the "champion drinker". Plus lotsa iced water.
Talking about puking, I ever puked on my classmate's schoolbag in class before. I think that poor girl threw away her bag after that... :-P


28. JayWalk left...
Thursday, 12 January 2006 9:25 pm ::
hitomi: This reminds me of that one night in the army where this guy got so drunk that he took his buddy's bag, unzip his pants, stick his *ahem* thing in and let go all the beer that he had consumed earlier in the evening.
Not a very pleasant sight considering that the bag wasn't empty.


29. aloe left...
Friday, 13 January 2006 10:13 am
Jay => -_-''' and the last part is/was gross! So did the guy threw away all the stuff he had in his bag after that?


30. JayWalk left...
Friday, 13 January 2006 10:27 am :: 
Anna: Well, the part II of the story was that the bag was just your average nylon sports bag and it was apparent that the civilian clothes inside didn't completely soak up all the pee. As a result, some of the golden trickle started ooze out from the corner of the bag.
It was easy to sport who the victim was that weekend, when we were released for our weekend off. He is the only one in uniform and without a bag.
No sympathy for this chap as he was an asshole to begin with and everybody felt that it was about time he gets his just desserts.

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