07 December 2005

Death Of Santa Claus

Christmas is just round the corner and this blog entry was inspired by TheHungryBunny when she thought how nice it would be to have Santa Claus climbing down the chimney on Christmas' Eve in Singapore.

Well, if Santa really come to Singapore and climb down chimneys, I can see the newspapers' headlines now...

Singapore News >>
Time is GMT + 8 hours
Posted: 25 December 2005 0830 hrs

Man Burnt To Death At Ulu Pandan Incinerator Plant
By JayWalk, J-News.

SINGAPORE - Workers at the Ulu Pandan Incinerator Plant returned to work on Christmas morning only to find a corpse of a man burnt to a crisp at the bottom of the incinerator.

The Police have identified the victim as a Mr Santa Claus after several clues have been recovered from the scene of the incident, which include parts of a red jacket and a black boot, stucked along the chute of the chimney. A sleigh, which the police determined belong to Mr Claus, was also found parked atop the incinerator's chimney and the expired parking coupons, left on the sleigh, suggested that Mr Claus was at the plant between 11:30 pm and 01:30 am, the night before. The Police have determined that the vehicle is not local as it was missing the valid Road Tax disc and the ERP In-Vehicle-Unit. However, they were baffled by the sleigh's origin as it was without the AutoPass as required for all foreign vehicles entering into Singapore.

Six reindeers were found grazing at the front lawn of the plant and The Police suspect that they may be part of the sleigh set-up. One of the reindeers, answering to the name of Rudolph, was found to have a shiny red nose. The investigating officers from the Ministry of Health suspected that this particular reindeer may be a carrier of the Avian Flu H5N1 virus strain.

"We understand that what we have here is a mammal of the deer family. However, given that this particular flock of reindeers are capable of flight, we have no choice but to also classify as them as members of the avian family. Hence the need to quarantine them on suspicion of the bird flu." - Dr Bi ZiHong, Chief Science Investigator (CSI).

A member of the public came forward as a witness claiming that Mr Claus came to the plant looking for a friend.

"I was walking past the plant when I heard a loud booming voice going 'Ho! Ho! Ho!'. I think this Mr Claus was there to meet his friend but because the plant was quite dark at that time, he had to shout out his friend's name to try to locate this friend, Mr Ho, in the dark." - Mr Boh Tiah Tio, Witness.

While the investigation is currently ongoing, The Police have ruled out foul play as the gift wrapped boxes and lumps of coal were found to be still intact in the sleigh and there was no signs of struggle except along the inner walls of the chimney which was possibly self inflicted as Mr Claus was quite large in a very narrow chimney.

The Police are urging members of the public who have relevant information to this case to call their hotline at 1800-WITNESS.

- Voxeros

1. kIm left...
Wednesday, 7 December 2005 7:38 pm
For one moment I thought I was really reading the Singapore News and was about to shout to my Dad that someone died at the incinerator plant!! -__-
Hahaha.. But good one. Hahhaaha..

2. Rudolph left...
Wednesday, 7 December 2005 9:22 pm
He's drunk!

3. Lynne left...
Wednesday, 7 December 2005 9:53 pm
The reindeers would have died too, of heat stroke! Either that, on the hot plate, mixed with green onions and garlic, yum!

4. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 7 December 2005 11:32 pm ::
kIm: If only I am able to bruff all the XMMs in the world as easily as I bruffed you. It would have been a perfect world. sigh.....

Lynne: Don't forget the ginger slices!!

5. lonelylolacherrycola left...
Thursday, 8 December 2005 12:42 am ::
Ouch. And you just effectively terminated any remaining hope of Santa coming for me this year round. I am going to take down my stocking now! hmmmmmph

6. JayWalk left...
Thursday, 8 December 2005 9:04 am ::
Bunny: Stockings??? So that's where the smell came from!!! :P

7. akk left...
Thursday, 8 December 2005 9:52 am
muahahahah.....good one abt Rudolph and the Ho Ho HO....

8. JayWalk left...
Friday, 9 December 2005 4:07 am ::
Akk: Hmm.... Ho..... Maybe Santa was looking for Sheena???

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