23 July 2005

School Boy Series (Part 5) - Albert The Penknife Slasher.

What better way then to finish this School Boy Series with the grand finalé of Albert The Penknife Slasher. Actually, he was also Albert The Pink Lacy Panty Man but too bad my blog couldn't take such a long blog title but we will get to that later.

Albert was my Sec 2 classmate like MeePok and likewise, he was also part of the chatek gang since Sec 1. Well, the game of chatek came with 2 forms depending on what we prefer to play that day. One was court chatek where we have single, doubles, 3-aside or 5-aside. Rules are similar to any other court games like volleyball, sepak takraw etc. You get the idea.

Then, there is the "Circle" where we all gathered around in a circle (duh!) and pass the chatek around in the hope that the guy will fumble, drop the chatek and be tagged out. Winner of the round would be the last man standing.

Albert was famous for his "I WANT TO PLAY! I WANT TO PLAY! ... DON'T PASS TO ME! DON'T PASS TO ME!". For despite his great passion for the game, his lack of coordination meant that he sucked big time. We still love him though.

Incident #1 - Albert The Penknife Slasher.

Albert sat behind me in class (another ceiling fan junkie) and I had borrowed his penknife that particular day. As I was working on some art and craft in between lessons (was chasing some girl lah!), I have to leave my project under the desk every time the teacher for the next lesson stepped in. As it was quite a complicated art project (my girl-chasing effort got standard one ok!!) and the time between lessons were very short, the project was under my desk throughout the day with the penknife on loan for the longest time.

Albert was getting impatient with the penknife being away for so long and he came over and grabbed it back.

"Basket! Borrow penknife for so long. Don't want to return it, is it?" He said as he slashed my back with the penknife, thinking the the blade was retracted.

At the moment, I felt a stinging HOT sensation running across my back. The blade was still OUT! As I was not done with the penknife, I left the blade as it was, under my desk, thinking that I was going to get back to the project later when the lesson was done.

The blade sliced through my school uniform and into my back. The newly carved white line on my back started to turn red as blood started to gush out of the wound.

Albert was stunned as he realised what he had done. I was writhing in pain as a patch of red, as a result of my uniform soaking up the blood, started to expand. Fortunately, the wound was very shallow and the bleeding was stopped very quickly. The penknife was confiscated and my project that day came to an abrupt end.

I explained to the teacher, in Albert's defense, that it was a freak accident and we both avoided the dreaded trip to the principal's office.

It was a funny scene at the end of the day at the flag-lowering ceremony. All the guys standing behind me were staring at my back in disbelief, as my uniform was flapping in the wind, in sync with the flags. My uniform machiam Japan flag with a red blot in the middle.

I won't go into the details of my bus trip home that day. That would be another story another time.

Incident #2 - Albert The Pink Lacy Panty Man.

Being a school with a long tradition of winning the School Nationals in swimming. It was hardly surprising that swimming was a constant staple in our Physical Education curriculum. It was a morning PE session in Sec 4 as we started off the school day in the changing room of the pool getting into our trunks. The lockers were very old and offered hardly any security at all. A whack in the right spot of the locker door and it would be unlocked. Simple as that. Just think of Fonzie of Happy Days working the jukebox at Al's.

That one morning, we had Rick who stole a pair of panties from his sister. We waited for Albert to finish changing and out of the changing room, before we broke into his locker. We threw away his underwear and stuff the panties in its place. Closing back the locker, we trooped out to the swimming pool with a mischievous grin on our faces, eagerly waiting for the swimming to be over. Oh how we snickered at the blissfully ignorant Albert as we did our laps.

Swimming's over and it was back in the changing room again. We all hovered around his locker, pretending that ours were also nearby.

The jaw-dropped expression on Albert's face was priceless when he fished out the little pink lacy thing only to quickly stuff it back in to prevent anyone seeing it. You could see panic in his eyes as he rummage through his bag over and over again for that elusive white crocodile that was in the garbage bin, a distance away.

Next, it was a game of whodunnit "Cluedo" as the flustered Albert scanned the changing room for guilty faces. We were in top form that day as all of us mustered our best nonchalant poker faces. Deep inside, we were going to explode for holding in the laughter so desperately.

It was the hardest decision of Albert's life that day? Keep the trunks? Wear the panties? Or Ling Long Bell?

As it turned out, Albert decided to wear his school pants over his trunks for the rest of his day. As the trunks was wet, his school pants, despite being navy blue, started to form a even darker dark blue patch as the water soaked through. It must had been the longest day of his Sec 4 life, as the whole school couldn't walk by him without a snickering finger pointing at "Dark Blue".

His Crocodile was never recovered.

- Voxeros

1. anna left...
Friday, 22 July 2005 7:34 am
Albert sounds damn fierce with the penknife. Fortunately, it wasn't a deep cut. "Basket" brings back good memories. Used to hear that alot.

This is hilarious! I can just imagine his horror when his croc undie was gone, and fish out a pink lacy one instead. You guys were cruel.

2. JayWalk left...
Friday, 22 July 2005 8:39 am :: 
anna: Yeah, we were a mischievous bunch of idiots, aren't we? ~LOL

3. vandice left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 1:53 am ::
The school pants dark blue wat. Don't wear undies lah!

4. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 7:18 am ::
Vandice: That one I really dunno liao. Perhaps he was afraid that we might strip him at the bus stop after school?

5. jaschocolate left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 11:22 am
Wau lau.. bully ppl like that.. very embarrassing to be wet down there leh...
Btw, i also accidentally cut my friend before in primary school.. jialat..

6. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 11:27 am :: 
jaschocolate: Bully? Where got? It's only a prank. Here's the difference.
Bully: We laugh at you.
Prank: We laugh with you.
Get it?

7. jaschocolate left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 11:53 am
He was not laughing mah.. so is confirmed guranteed plus chop chop BULLY..

8. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 12:42 pm :: 
jaschocolate: Where got bully? We still laugh about it today when we think back. Sigh... the good old days.
In a way, we all have our fair share of pranks, be us the perpetrator or the victim. So I say everybody's pretty even.

9. Zhe Bin left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 12:48 pm
HAHA. this brings back a lot of memories lah! wallets and handphones were our targets everytime. er.. we didn't exchange though; we kept it.

10. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 12:56 pm :: 
Zhe Bin: Last time where got handphone one? Card phone also dun have. Make phone call need to tong the 10-cent coin one.
时代不同了。 唉!

11. ei|een left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 1:31 pm
bwahahaha! now i know why they say young boys are damn horrible..
if i were him, i would have just gone ding dong bell. commando is definitely better than wearing wet trunks! heh.

12. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 4:38 pm ::
ei|een: But you must understand, at that time just finished swimming. So ding dong, no bell. Only a pair of shriveled up sng bueh.

I think he felt insecure lor.

Either that or he scared his little brother catch cold and ah choo already all the mucus come out.

Ok... I am so grossing myself out here.

13. lancerlord left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 7:21 pm ::
Penknife stabber. Fierce!

14. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 7:48 pm :: 
lancerlord: Penknife slasher actually. I was a mechanical pencil stabber when I was in Primary 2. The other kid's folks come to "visit" my parents as a result. I kena whacked jialat jialat for that incident.

The good thing however, was that the kid never dared to kuai lan with me again.
He is a doctor now. I am glad I set him on the straight path then.

15. hitomi left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 11:04 pm
wah, you so hiong one ah?

16. JayWalk left...
Saturday, 23 July 2005 11:22 pm :: 
hitomi: 所谓 "狗急跳墙". Bor pian. Guai lan kia provoke me that day until damn jia lat... I lost it.
But that was in the past lah. Now old already. Mellowed down liao.

17. eddy left...
Sunday, 24 July 2005 12:55 am
Wah, your school days so happening! I don't seem to recall any interesting incidents during my time leh.

18. JayWalk left...
Sunday, 24 July 2005 1:00 am ::
eddy: You sure got one lah... just need to think hard.
Either that or you haven't been very observant lor.
Why? Too busy oogling at girls har?

19. akk left...
Sunday, 24 July 2005 1:37 am funny, in my JC, we stripped the birthday ppl...and anyway, why not wear pants without the trunks?

20. JayWalk left...
Sunday, 24 July 2005 9:22 am ::
Akk: Good question but as I have just told ei|een, he probably scared that his two sng buehs may run away.

21. The Angry Little Girl left...
Sunday, 24 July 2005 1:26 pm ::
hehehehehhehe. sng buehs.
I learnt something new today.

22. JayWalk left...
Sunday, 24 July 2005 1:46 pm :: 
AngryLittleGirl*: Acherly hor... got a lot more different names to call them but let's keep this blog PG-13 ok? :P

23. hitomi left...
Monday, 25 July 2005 9:45 am
Aiyo... are you sure it's PG-13?

24. JayWalk left...
Monday, 25 July 2005 1:07 pm ::
hitomi: Ok lah... NC-17? Can?

25. Meepok left...
Monday, 25 July 2005 5:05 pm
I know where his undies are. On the flag mast near the swimming pool. I threw it there. It was flapping in full glory the last time I saw it.

26. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 26 July 2005 9:58 am :: 
MeePok: You took it? Eeewwww...

27. hitomi left...
Tuesday, 26 July 2005 10:25 am
Yucks, I can almost see a yellowish pair of underwear flapping in the wind...

28. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 26 July 2005 12:22 pm :: 
hitomi: I so do not want to visualise that. Oh gawd.....

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