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02 September 2008

Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench



8th August 2008 has many special meanings for many different people. For some, it marks the historical date of Ch1na's first ever Olympic Games as host.

In Ch1nese traditional customs, the number 8 is an auspicious one and what better day to get married on 08.08.08 since it sounds of FATT FATT FATT!!

And also for a certain 41-year old Mr Xing (Mr Sun as reported in Hong Kong papers as a result of Cantonese spelling) from Hong Kong. I supposed everybody was at home watching the Olympics on the telly that perhaps LanTian Park (Cantonese: Lam Tin) was especially deserted that night. So what better day to make love to a steel sit-up bench on 08.08.08 since it sounds of f*ck f*ck f*ck?

So Xing decides to stick his little pee pee into the hole and naturally as the blood flows towards the erection he found himself stuck. Logically, he must be thinking to himself that he should be able to pull it out as soon as the erection subsides.

Wrong!

Obviously, he is bigger than the hole i.e. blood will not be able to flow away as the erection simply gridlocks every passage out of the penis.
He was lucky on a few counts.
  • He had a cell phone on him to call for help.

    What if he is stuck until next morning?
    What if some uncle shows up at the park for his morning TaiJi and sees him like this?
    What if TaiJi uncle is gay?
    What if TaiJi uncle is gay AND horny with his morning wood?
  • There were no stray dogs in the vicinity.

    What if there are stray dogs in the vicinity?
    What if they are hungry?
    What if he smells of smoked meat after just having had a BBQ nearby earlier?
    Hey! Isn't that a sausage dangling from under the steel bench?
So what better day to call 911 (or 119 or 110 or 999 or 995 or whatever's the number they use in HK) 08.08.08 since it sounds of FARK! FARK! FARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The guy LAN LAN (no pun intended) no choice but to call and help arrived shortly. Sure enough, the journalists were all there too. This was just too good a piece of cock news (no pun intended again!) to pass up.

As I was watching the youtube clip above, I heard the man's groan.

Chewie!!? Is that you??

Man, for a moment I thought we caught the world's most famous wookie on TV with a steel bench. Nah... just some HK bloke that sounded like Chewbacca. He would have been better off with Hands Solo (Hans Solo geddit? Geddit?)

Imagine the following scenario (dubbed in Singlish):

Rescue Crew: OH AH PEH AH SOM!!!

Rescue Crew #1: Ah Seng, you different from everybody. You parsang!!

Rescue Crew Ah Seng: Oi!! That one not counted! Not counted, I thought we first time is practice one!

Rescue Crew #1: Nah Beh. Lose already dun come here and kar limpeh buah bodoh hor.

Rescue Crew #2: Yah loh. 愿赌服输 hor!

Rescue Crew Ah Seng: BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO LUBRICATE THE FELLA'S KKJ LAHHHHH!!!!!

Rescue Crew: TOO BAD!!

[ 15 minutes later to no avail. ]

Rescue Crew #1: Eh. Lube liao still cannot pull out. How ah?

Rescue Crew Ah Seng: YOU ALL SABO MEEEEEEE!!!!

Rescue Crew #2: I think we need to let the blood out externally. Who is going to do it?

Rescue Crew: OH AH PEH AH SOM!!!

Rescue Crew #1: Ah Seng!! You again!! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!

Rescue Crew Ah Seng: MAI LAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the end, the rescue team had to cut away the entire bench and load Xing and his new-found friend into the ambulance. It wasn't until 4 hours later that he was freed.

And that beckons the following questions.
  • Do they let him keep the bench as a souvenir?
  • I supposed there won't be cuddling after he pulls it out?
  • Will he call the bench the next day?
And if you think the ordeal ends there, you are so wrong.

First, there were the rescue team and the journalists. Next, you have the news broadcasting this all over HK, then you have youtube sharing this with the entire world. Finally, you have schmucks like me, making fun of it all over again, one month later.

So what better day to get caught screwing a bench on 08.08.08 since it sounds of you're f*cked! you're f*cked! you're f*cked!

Latest Update: Looks like the Leisure And Cultural Services Department may be suing him for damaging public property. Apparently, one of those benches cost about HKD 14,000 (approx. SGD 2,500) to replace.


Still, I think it's cheaper than the previous 48K case of AnyHowlyWherely Stick Your KKJ. =P

Image Credit: http://www.weirdasianews.co, http://som2550.blogspot.com
- Voxeros

1. msvindicta left...
Tuesday, 2 September 2008 1:01 am
the guy who did up the subtitles must have been an asian.
anyway, i don't think the holes in the bench are that big either. so ...
just goes to show how desperate some men can be!


2. JY left...
Tuesday, 2 September 2008 7:29 am :: http://phatybomb.blogspot.com
2.5K is an expensive fuck!


3. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 2 September 2008 9:55 am :: 
msvindicta: Most definitely Asian coz you need to understand Cantonese. Anyway, this man is a real sad story.

JY: Not as expensive as the 48K Sausage Poke Backside Case!


4. Vandalin left...
Tuesday, 2 September 2008 12:47 pm :: http://vandalin.blogspot.com
FAIL


5. TSSD left...
Tuesday, 2 September 2008 1:07 pm
Epic Fail


6. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 2 September 2008 3:33 pm :: 
Vandalin & TSSD: Yah lor... I oso say..... Apparently he has a fan website now.


7. THB left...
Wednesday, 3 September 2008 10:11 am :: http://the-hb-diaries.blogspot.com
Embarrassing lor. Haha. :p


8. JayWalk left...
Thursday, 4 September 2008 9:25 am :: 
THB: Too bad I wasn't there. Otherwise, I would have kachow him jialat jialat...*flick flick* *flick flick*

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