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11 April 2006

Manners By JayWalk

"If I open door, the girl say I wayang. If I don't open door, the girl say I not gentleman."

Guys, does that sound familiar?

Machiam like playing BlackJack and you kena dealt with a 12. Then hor, you saw the next card to be a 10. Hit and you go bust. Stay and you lose with a measely 12. LPPL ok!

My advise is 3 simple words.

Either way also lose right? So how?

3 words. Stop, Look, Cross.

Every girl hor, all different pattern one lah. In other words, it means that if you stupid enough to blanket stereotype all of them into ONE category hor, you see me run far far away from you liao.

Think about it. If you make the effort to find out more about the girl i.e. what is acceptable, what is not, wouldn't she be more impressed? After all, would that not be a greater compliment to the girl that you actually make the effort to know her better? Only by finding out more about the person, would be you able to pull all those "little gestures" that confirm will make the girl sibeh song until melt one. Tio bor?

Let me give you an example.

Case 1: You just tell the girl that she is beautiful.

Case 2: You look at the girl up, down, left, right, center, hand on chin totally spaced out deep in thought for like half a minute, then tell the girl that she is beautiful.

Different impact right?

Ok lah... not so drama lah. But the bottomline is the same. It is the effort that you are making which reflects your sincerity as a person.

Now, there must be a thousand and one thing about etiquette and such out there and too many to write but I will just focus on the 3 common ones.

Without further ado, I present to you JayWalk Social Etiquette Bible

1) Holding the door for the lady.
First and foremost, you need to figure out in advance if the door is push or pull.

1.1) Types of Door

1.1.1) Pull Door - This one is a no-brainer. You should just step up and reach for the door first and open for the lady. No question about that.

1.1.2) Push Door - This one requires you to keenly observe her body language and where she positions herself. If she stick close to you and behind, it means that you have to go through the door first. Then you have a choice of...

1.1.2.1) Open the door, get through but only half way and let her pass subsequently. That way you would be the first to open the door, be right at the door to ensure that she crosses smoothly, before you exit the door yourself. This would be the FILO (First In Last Out) method.

1.1.2.2) Open the door, get right through the other door and watch her pass through thereafter. This would be the FIFO (First In First Out) method.

1.1.3) Automatic Glass Door - This one you hold hor, the girl will think you siao one. Not recommended cause in the event you kena kiap by the glass door hor. Damn malu one.

1.2) A Word of Appreciation.
1.2.1) A word of thanks is very much appreciated from the person whom you are holding the door, regardless of gender. This is basic manners.

1.2.2) In the event that you kena an arsehole, regardless of gender, who machiam like you owe him/her to hold the door, feel free to just let go of the door and let it swing into the idiot's face.

1.2.2.1) A BONK! injury would garner you bonus points based on the size of the subsequent bar-loo-koo.

1.2.2.2) You may want to stick your foot into the door as well for added measure.

2) Opening The Car Door For The Lady

2.1) You are not in the driver's seat.

2.1.1) A good example would be the sharing of a cab. The cab pulls alongside and you should open the door for the lady to get in first.

2.1.1.1) If the lady a bit 自动, she will scoot over further in so that you can get in after her.

2.1.1.2) If she buay 自动 hor, nairmind. Close the door after her then either take the front seat or go over and enter via the other side of the vehicle.

2.1.1.2.1) Make sure her skirt kena kiap by the car door half inside and half outside the vehicle.

2.1.1.2.1.1) Bonus points if it is a rainy day.

2.1.1.2.1.2) Lagi bonus points if you instruct the cab driver to drive through the Bukit Timah flood.

2.2) You are in the driver's seat.

2.2.1) Some girls expect you to open the car door, other girls would rather you stay inside your car and not embarrass her in front of the entire Wisma Atria taxi stand. The guy must do homework to find out where to draw the line lah. Don't be so idle can?
2.2.2) What about those you have just met? You dunno which she prefers. Then how?

2.2.2.1) In this modern day and age. There is no need to get out of the car, run over to the other side and then open the door for the lady unless,

2.2.2.1.1) She is pregnant,

2.2.2.1.2) Her hands are full of bags and/or children,

2.2.2.1.3) She is your mom-in-law,

2.2.2.1.4) She is your grandma-in-law or

2.2.2.1.5) combination of any of the above except (2.2.2.1.1)+(2.2.2.1.3) or (2.2.2.1.1)+(2.2.2.1.4).

3) Standing Up As...

3.1) The Lady Leaves The Table.

3.1.1) If overseas, yes. Do stand up as it is the social norm, especially in a western country.

3.1.2) If in Singapore, no. She scared you were on your way to go over to the next table to chat up the chiobu at the next table while she goes to the rest room.

3.1.2.1) And leave her stuck with the dinner bill when she returns.

3.1.2.2) And also the chiobu's dinner bill.

3.2) The Lady Approaches The Table.

3.2.1) If overseas, yes. Do stand up as it is the social norm, especially in a western country.

3.2.2) If in Singapore, yes. It's your turn to go buy food and you have no tissue paper packet to chope the seat at the food-court.

- Voxeros

1. Jaschocolate left...
Tuesday, 11 April 2006 2:11 pm
Haha.. i like your third one..


2. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 11 April 2006 2:50 pm :: 
Jaschocolate: It started off as a serious piece to compliment SALlie's entry but dunno what happened lah. Whole entry degenerated into a circus.


3. aloe left...
Tuesday, 11 April 2006 3:44 pm
u urself and u would know what happened. cos u type one mah!!! duh... -_-"' u lah!!! LOL!


4. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 11 April 2006 4:02 pm :: 
Anna: Ahh.. sometimes it is the inspiration that leads the pen (er... and/or keyboard).


5. Sallie left...
Tuesday, 11 April 2006 4:49 pm
Dude - you had me laughing through my cornflakes breakfast!! :):) good one. my skirt didn't kena kiap-ed before...it was my scarf. and it was my own fault coz i didn't check. thankfully, it was only a 3 mile journey. but that poor scarf... still recovering!! :)


6. JayWalk left...
Tuesday, 11 April 2006 5:57 pm ::
SALlie: I wanted this to be a thought-provoking somber piece to match yours. Alas, I failed miserably.


7. Sallie left...
Tuesday, 11 April 2006 6:31 pm
no problems dude - i wouldn't expect any less from you..:))


8. kim left...
Tuesday, 11 April 2006 9:12 pm
muahaha.. FIFO. I was expecting LIFO too. Helping me revise for my accounts har? Hahaha..
as you have said in the comments from the earlier post, it's whether you are born with it, or not. I think even if I invite you over from China to teach the guy from my accounts class, also no use lo. Damn childish and UNGENTLEMANLY! hrmph.


9. ris left...
Tuesday, 11 April 2006 10:24 pm
hahaha! i liked point 2.2.2.1.5 how about one when girls open the doors for guys?


10. Jaslyn left...
Wednesday, 12 April 2006 1:26 am :: http://precious-jas.blogspot.com
Very well done Papa! I like the last one most! Tissue paper! Wah Lanz! iBuayTahan!


11. lynne left...
Wednesday, 12 April 2006 5:33 am
I would like a guy with manners, no matter what.


12. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 12 April 2006 11:10 am ::
SALlie: Hmm... is that a back-handed compliment or is that a back-handed compliment? Grrr...

kim: Here's a tip for you. Whenever you cannot balance the balance sheet hor, just open a "Provisional Adjustment" category and classify the discrepancy amount as an "I Dunno" item.
After that Balance Sheet would be balance liao lor!

Jaslyn: Deja vu?

Lynne: I like a a guy with manners too! ...er... I ...er... meant ...er that in the ... most... er... non-gay way. *sweat*


13. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 12 April 2006 11:20 am :: 
ris: Girls who open doors for guys? Don't recall ever seeing one. In any case...
Addedum to Jaywalk Etiquette Bible:
Section 1.3) Gender Reversal
1.3.1) If in the event where it is the lady who opens the door for the guy, the guy shall immediately drop to his knees,
1.3.1.1) Ask for her phone number.
1.3.1.2) Ask to marry her.
1.3.1.3) Ask to bear his children.
1.3.1.4) Buy 4D: 100-Big 100-Small for the next 3 consecutive weeks.


14. Missy left...
Wednesday, 12 April 2006 12:21 pm
i like the one about standing up as...
funny!


15. JayWalk left...
Wednesday, 12 April 2006 12:42 pm ::
Missy: Thanks for dropping by. Glad you enjoyed it. I'd be here all week. *takes a bow*


16. aloe left...
Wednesday, 12 April 2006 2:27 pm
Jay... I sweat for you man....
btw, refer to the comments for your previous post. There are gals who open doors for guys just that u have the misfortune of not meeting one! ahahahah!! Anyway, in the case of gender reversal, the things you listed, do not happen at all, so yah.. dun post up a blog on this at all.. blee!


17. Jaslyn left...
Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:39 am :: http://precious-jas.blogspot.com
Pa.. not deja vu... but i see it almost every lunch time at the kpt! But hor.. not me hor.. other ppl :p


18. JayWalk left...
Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:45 am :: 
Anna: On the same token to you that there are nice guys out there but you have the misfortune of not meeting one yet!

Jaslyn: Eh, you don't put tissue paper packet then what you put? Kotek?


19. Jaslyn left...
Thursday, 13 April 2006 10:34 am :: http://precious-jas.blogspot.com
I dont 'chop' any seat one lah. I'll ta bao go back office eat.. leisurely..hahaa


20. Sallie left...
Thursday, 13 April 2006 5:11 pm
jay, it was a compliment ok?!?! :):)


21. Sallie left...
Thursday, 13 April 2006 6:38 pm
I was just talking to a British girl friend about this and she was saying she thought British men of our generation have lost some of their manners, as compared to their dads! And she cited an example of a family holiday they went on a couple of years ago and they were at dinner on a cruise. When two of the ladies got up to leave the table, the men (her father and the other family's father) stood up too! Having met her father, he does come across as a very polite older gentleman.
So I'm despairing now - if by generation, men are losing their manners, and if by culture, it's not even 'reached' Asia, then we're in deep deep trouble!! :)


22. JayWalk left...
Thursday, 13 April 2006 9:39 pm ::
Jaslyn: Why? Never bring umbrella to chope seat also issit? :P 

SALlie: I know it's a compliment lah... just kachow you only lah. So kancheong for what?
You're right with the slow erosion of manners and we are just as guilty of tolerating it to a certain extend.
I remember I used to switch off my mobile phone whenever I am at the dining table (Remember Ivins?), but slowly I too find myself getting slack in that department.
Hmm... time to buck up.

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